How To Be A Cause and Not An Effect
Are you a 'cause' or an 'effect'? The more control over your life you have, the more empowered you are. The more empowered you are, the happier and more fulfilled you will be. Therefore, there's a good reason for discovering how to always operate as a person of "cause" and not one of "effect".
What I mean by 'cause' is a person who realizes that they are in charge of their lives. They take full responsibility for their lives no matter if their results are good or bad. A person in control of their lives has this reflected in their mindset, their thinking and their language.
What I mean by 'effect' is a person who claims to be a victim and operates under the illusion of not being in control of their lives. They set up others as the controllers in their lives and give their personal power away unnecessarily.
One of the greatest revelations I've had is that when my life wasn't working, I went in front of the bathroom mirror and said to myself, "Gee, my life sucks right now. But you know what? I made it suck. And because I made it suck, I can make it great again." By acknowledging that I was in complete control, even when I made my life less than great, it gave me incredible perspective.
Look around you. What's working in your life? What's not working yet? Everything is a result of what we thought and did yesterday. Tomorrow will be a result of our thoughts and actions today. What specifically can you do right now to improve an area of your life you'd like to? Write it down and then do it.
Here is a specific example of language and how to detect whether you're acting as a 'cause' in your life or simply an 'effect'. How do you use cause and effect language? Listen carefully to your language.
Example of someone who is an effect:
"That person makes me feel bad when they look at me like that."
Yikes! The person speaking the sentence has now painted themselves as a victim by being at the mercy of whoever looks at them. They've given up all their control of how to feel to the other person. Now, with a simple look, the other 'all powerful' person can make the speaker feel rotten. That's no good.
Here's how to rephrase that sentence for the person to acknowledge they are in control:
"When that person looks at me, I choose to feel bad inside."
The speaker now acknowledges that they are choosing to feel bad. And you know what? When you can choose one way, it means you can choose another way. I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this. Next, the speaker can choose to feel good or at least neutral after recognizing they have a choice. Who in their right mind would decide to feel crummy if they knew they had a choice?
Here's are a few more 'effect' sentences for you to rephrase:
"Whenever he comes home late, he makes me angry at him."
"Whenever she looks away during our conversation, she frustrates me."
"When my spouse goes out with their friends without telling me where they're going, he worries me."
Ok, you're job is to rephrase these. If you are using these 'effect' phrases in your language, detect them and stop. Listen to others as they speak. Their language gives them away whether they view themselves as in control or as victims. Applying just this one tip has the power to change your life.
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