How To Regain Your Self-Confidence After A Divorce
Regaining one's self-confidence following a divorce is not an
easy thing to do. As we've stated in all the previous articles
within this series of reports on how to recover from a divorce,
the blow to your inner-being is traumatic and long-lasting.
Probably the first thing you should do is to take stock of
yourself and set about improving the way you look. This could
mean a new hairdo, a haircut, new makeup, and new clothes. Get
yourself organized to look your best, because when you feel that
you look good, you will look good.
It's easy to spot people who have suffered traumatic experiences
because of the way they look. Their appearance, their clothes,
the way they talk and act - it's all quite apparent to an
observer that these people feel down and out - they feel that
life has played a dirty trick on them - and their self-esteem is
not very high.
The next thing you should do is get involved in some sort of
If you're already a part of the working force, ask for more
responsibility or more challenging assignments. Get involved in
the areas in which you excel, and show your bosses as well as
yourself what you can do with exemplary expertise. Take stock of
the promotional opportunities where you work - set your sights
on a better position - and go for it.
If you're out of work or don't have a job, then take stock of
the things that you can do, make up or have a resume of your
capabilities typed out, look in the newspapers - the yellow
pages of your telephone book - visit your state employment
office, and the employment agencies in your area - submit your
resume and get yourself a job. Nothing boosts a person ego,
self-esteem, personal confidence, and inner dignity like getting
a job Don't be discouraged - part of the reason it's so hard to
find a job is because of the trauma you're experiencing - keep
trying and you'll succeed.
If you're retired or well-off to the extent that there's no need
for you to find a wage-paying job, then volunteer your expertise
to organizations and people who will benefit from your knowledge
and experience. The welfare agencies are always looking for
people to teach others how to keep house, cook meals, and care
for children. You might even consider organizing a business or
putting together classes of some sort to help people with their
problems and/or inexperience.
The next thing you should do is make up a budget to live by, and
determine to become the best "money manager" who ever lived. Few
people live according to a budget, and consequently, most people
are over their heads in debt.
Relative to the kind of person you want to become - you want
others to think of you as - and the kind of happiness you seek -
it is imperative that you learn to manage your money
intelligently. Money by itself won't bring happiness, but by
using money properly and making it work for you, it can
alleviate many of your problems.
Somewhere along the line, you've got to know, understand, and
work out your transportation requirements. In this day and age,
you have to have transportation to get to the places downtown,
across town, or even to the grocery store. Don't take anything
for granted or expect it to work itself out. Analyze all of your
possible needs, consider all your options, and then plan for
every situation, including emergencies.
Very definitely, you should give yourself time to relax and
socialize with other people. If you haven't been too friendly of
late with your next door neighbor, or the people in your block,
then get out and renew those acquaintances. Get out of your
"closet" and pay them a visit, or invite them into your home for
coffee. Let people know that you're alive and well - that you're
worth knowing as a friend and neighbor.
It may be difficult during this time to do much socializing
because everything you see or do reminds you of the past - and
with this in mind, it's a good idea to check into the social
activities sponsored by your local churches, civic
organizations, and even the singles clubs. Don't "go out" to
replace the love you've lost or to find the "real true love" of
your life. Just go out to be with people, to enjoy yourself, and
get your mind off your problems.
No, you won't be able to forget the hurt you've gone through nor
become a new person overnight. It will take some time, longer
for some people than others. But the important thing is
regaining your confidence following a divorce is to know that
you are someone of worth - believe it - acknowledge that you can
be the kind of person you want to be - set your sights on
becoming/attaining all your ambitions - do what's really
necessary to fulfilling your dreams, and go for them.
This is a new beginning for you. A chance to really prove to
yourself that you can do it. Know what you want - be honest with
yourself in understanding what you have to do to get what you
want - and then let nothing stand in your way until you get
precisely what you want. It can be yours, but you have to make
it all happen!
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