When telling a lie it is best to keep it simple, but when you need to tell a whopper:

  1. Consider it from all angles, list in your head, or on paper, every conceivable question that might be asked - if you couldn't go to a leaving party last night because you were in Milton Keynes - what train station did you go from, why were you going, who did you see, why did you see him/her, where was your mobile phone, why didn't you answer it, how come you didn't see the e-mail etc, etc.
  2. Base it on fact - i.e. if you have been to Milton Keynes before on business you can talk about getting there, why you went, who you saw etc, with authority.
  3. Put yourself in the shoes of the person you are lying to - would you believe it?
  4. Try it out on friends.
  5. Don't touch your face - study the classic 17 ways a Sicilian knows your lying and don't do them.
  6. Set the bullshit up days in advance - if you want to take Friday off - start moaning of feeling ill on Tuesday - keep your eyes open for something that is going around and claim that - take it a step further - co-ordinate with colleagues and invent an epidemic.
  7. Believe the bullshit - get yourself in the frame of mind - when you believe , it becomes truth, honest.
  8. Turn it on its head - if anyone questions the lie - righteous indignation is often enough to get them to back down
  9. Have fun.

These are just some practical ways of establishing yourself as a liar - it doesn't happen overnight - and some people will never get it.

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