5 People Who Can't Sell Anything (Ever)

You are really not very good at sales. The only people who buy from you are those who feel pity on you or people who would have bought from a computerized phone system. You just aren't very good at sales.

Before you start feeling bad about yourself, you should know; you are okay at other things. You likely have decent hygiene and you may have fancy shirts. You are likely generally a good human being, and you probably love your mom. But, again, you can't sell anything. At all. Ever. Even to your mom. (Yep, even the woman who gave birth to you says you are terrible at selling). You want to sell, but you just suck. What explains your remarkable, historic, epic sales fail? Well, you probably fall into one of the following types.

1. The Wimp

You are a weenie. A wimp. When someone calls you on the phone or walks in your door, you are not confident. Your heart rate goes up. You worry about saying the right thing (and you should, because you probably don't). If the prospective customer isn't ready to buy immediately, if they ask a question about a product or service, you stutter and stammeryour way through it. Or, even if you answer the question…that's all you do. You don't try and build value in your product or get to know the customer. You never actually ask for the sale. Instead, you just answer questions. That what wimps like you do.

You can't initiate any rational thoughts or phrases without instantly wetting yourself with worry. Instead, you simply answer questions. And you answer them like the giant wimp you are.

2. The Generalizer

You are not a wussy; you are just really crappy at communicating (and thus sales and providing even remotely adequate customer service). You answer questions, but you don't give specifics. The Generalizer answers specific questions in vague generalities that make little or no sense.

The Generalizer is especially annoying because he truly believes he's doing a good job. But he isn't. The Generalizer will likely leave a conversation thinking that he has sold his products or services really well.

He hasn't.

3. The Specificizer

The Specificizer is the opposite of The Generalizer. You answer every customer question with a checklist of highly technical or useless peripheral information that only succeeds in making a potential customer to hate you passionately and feel mocked. Usually, after you say something the customer will say something like, 'uh huh' and nod. They will feign understanding the deluge of words that just flooded from your mouth. In reality, though, they don't.

You aren't thinking about the customer. You don't really care. You are super-smart though. And that's a plus, except that you use your intelligence to unwittingly demean others. (It's possible you may do this wittingly).

As The Specificizer, you are incredibly boorish. You are usually angry when you don't make the sale. And, for the life of you, you can't figure out why your list of pertinent (boring), critical (pointless) product features (drivel) doesn't appeal to the customer.

You treat your colleagues the same way you treat your customers. You're generally demeaning, rude, and annoyed when coworkers don't know the highly technical jargon that you do.

4. The Dude

The Bro is the salesman who tries to be buddy-buddy with the potential customer. You're the one calling everybody 'man' or 'sport' or 'boss' or 'bro.' You probably wear sandals and shorts a lot and are—more than likely—from a coastal state. You're kind of a cool guy. (If 'cool' means fake, annoying and one who never sells much).

5. The Loud-Mouth

You are the stereotypical old school salesman. You are most likely fairly rude at work. (And almost certainly obnoxious when you're with a client). You're pushy, slick and arrogant. There are three ways to spot The Loud-Mouth. Just look for someone people 1) dread meeting, 2) hate talking to and 3) only buy from if they are under severe emtional or physical duress. (And if they buy under duress they won't be pleased with their purchase).

Also, it is common for The Loud-Mouth to get way too close to a person when they are talking.

If any of these things describe you, (or if you have a goatee) you might be a Loud-Mouth.

There are many types of people who are really bad at selling things. These are just five of them. If any of these characteristics match you or someone you know, please seek help immediately. Life is too short and the economy too tenuous for you to be The Wimp, The Generalizer, The Specificizer, The Dude or The Loud-Mouth.

Here's the good news: all of these terrible habits can be changed. You can change. If you need help changing who you are so you can actually sell something (that would be nice); get the help you need. And get that help now.

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