Dating the inner game

Have you read, "Slum dog Millionaire", or maybe seen the film? It's a great story isn't it and one that people all over the world can relate to. When its author Vikas Swarup was asked why he thought it was so popular he replied that we all like to see a winner particularly one who starts of as an underdog.

The "inner game" is an expression which describes how our thoughts can effect our success or lack of it. The "inner game" applies whether we are talking about golf, tennis, business or relationships. It's basically about how our inner mental state effects what we experience in our daily lives. Years ago I read in a book written by a self made millionaire these wise words " anyone who has ever succeeded has used what they had to overcome what they didn't". We can in other words decide to see our life circumstances as stepping-stones or stumbling blocks.

The way we choose to see our circumstances is vitally important. See them as stumbling blocks and that's exactly what they will be obstacles to you achieving your goal. See them as stepping and you'll be able to use them to help you achieve whatever it is that you want.

So lets look at you and your current situation. You are an attractive intelligent woman successful in various areas of your life. You are even if right now that doesn't seem so. It's often the attractive intelligent women who have most difficulty in finding their ideal man strange as this may seem.

Why is this so? I have found a number of reasons. We tend to have higher expectations than some women and are less inclined to settle for second best or make unreasonable compromises Our busy lives are taken up with other issues leaving less time for dating.

Frankly some men are scared off by able and successful women. The above statements aren't at all negative when we approach dating in the right way. Let's look again at those so-called stumbling blocks and see how they are really stepping stones to lead you to your ideal relationship.

Because of our higher expectations and unwillingness to make unreasonable compromises we are more not less likely to find a partner who is right for us. Because of this we are more likely to have a happy and lasting relationship even if we do take a little more time to find it. By choosing a man who is worthy of us we are far more likely to end up in a healthy equal relationship. By a man who is worthy of us I mean one who does not expect us to pretend to be less than we are to protect his fragile ego.

Having a busy life makes us less lightly to hang around waiting for a prospective boyfriend to phone. Being constantly available is a major mistake, which would make time spent with you, seem less valuable and important. One suggestion I frequently make to my one to one clients who are not getting enough dates or feel undervalued in their relationship is to be less available. There is a sound psychological principle behind this "the principle of scarcity".

Men who are scared off by your confidence 'ability or success are not for you. They have disqualified themselves, as you're future partners leaving you free to find a man who will rejoice in meeting a woman with your positive qualities. Pretending to be less than you are to please a man is like amateur dramatics. It can be fun to act a part for a few hours occasionally but you wouldn't want to do it for a lifetime

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