Why ALL Self Development Programs Fail

I guess self development, (self improvement, personal growth … whatever name you give it) has been around since the beginning of humankind’s appearance on Earth. Cave dwellers would have worked out how to hunt and fish in better and better ways, and we had the development of tools.

Being human, then as now, they would have started to wonder how they got here, who they were and why they died. (And what happens after that?) Those questions haven’t changed, but the search for the answers has shaped the entire course of history as it continues to shape our future.

Societies have inevitably produced teachers. These may have taken the form of priests, gurus, shamans, wise wizards or just your good mates, but there’s always been the odd bods who seem to have a bit more knowledge about the inner workings of the universe, (some even claim to have a pretty good idea what God’s thinking too). Of course, those teachers would have had nothing to do were it not for a never ending supply of willing students.

I’ve been on both sides of that particular fence. I’ve read literally hundreds of self help books, attended countless seminars and workshops, had thousands of group hugs, ended up with dozens of mailing lists of people you never hear from or contact again and along the way have gleaned an almost encyclopaedic knowledge of how to run my life to perfection, be a millionaire, live in harmony with nature and generally be a super human being.

I’ve led workshops too. I’ve had audiences of less than half a dozen to many hundreds. I’ve written more than a handful of self help books and programs too, and many articles on topics related to self help and self improvement.

The results are always the same. The vast majority of people don’t change. In fact, not only do they not change, they don’t even try. It is well known amongst self help authors that most people (around 90 percent) don’t read beyond chapter one!! (A survey done by a prominent manufacturer of recorded language courses found a similar statistic: ninety percent of their customers never listened to more than the first disc! Many even never got further than disc 1, track 1).

Why is this? Are ninety percent of people stupid?

No. I really don’t believe that, and it’s not my experience.

Maybe they’re just addicted to personal growth material – they like the reading and the group experiences.

Hmm. Maybe. But not ninety percent. Most people I’ve met who move in these circles, (and I’ve met thousands), genuinely want to improve their lives in some way. They want more from life. Not simply more money or things or even love, (although all of those will be high on most people’s wish lists), but they want more satisfaction from life, more fulfilment, more juice. They want peace of mind and personal freedom.

So why don’t they get it?

It’s because of something I’ve called “Core Image”. If you were told from a tender age, (and I do mean from two or three years old), that you were clumsy, or you never got anything finished, or that you were untidy, you began to integrate that into yourself as part of your identity. Not, as you might now, consider it a characteristic, or even a misjudgement on the part of the person expressing that view of you, but actually who YOU are.

Up until the age of about six or seven you are trying to figure that out – the question of what and who exactly you are. Certain messages will get absorbed and become part of the fabric of your being as surely as an ink stain will become a part of a linen tablecloth forever more.

Does this indelibility mean that you cannot change?

Fortunately, I think the answer to that is no. You CAN change. But you aren’t going to do it with most self help courses and books unless you go deep. The answer lies not in trying to remove the stain, but to replace the entire linen tablecloth!

In principle, here is what you do. (I like to put solutions in my work, but be warned: this is a brief article and I cannot take you through the entire process here. If you want to know about the whole thing, please visit my website, wizardofwisdom.com – details at the end).

Step 1. Relax – but don’t go to sleep. Take a few minutes over this, not ten seconds! If you know how to meditate or do yoga, use those skills to fully relax.

Step 2. Ask your mind to show you moments from your childhood when you were told something good about yourself. (I recalled my mother smiling and saying how intelligent I was, for example. I was probably four years old).

Step 3. Notice where that memory seems to be located. In other words, does it seem to be in front of you, left, right, behind, above, below your eye line etc. Is it in colour or black and white? How loud is the volume of the speaker’s voice? (It may not be your mother, of course!)

Step 4. Fade out the sound, and fade in words you want to hear, such as, “You’re very successful whatever you do.” “You always get the things you want.” “You have a winning personality, and everyone likes you.” “You’re so lovely, opportunities are just going to show up in your life.” “You’ll always be lucky.”

You can make up your own, of course. I’m going to emphasise a couple of really important points here. The voice you hear must have the same tone and qualities of the original voice.

Secondly, feel the feeling of pride or joy as you did when you actually were the little child as those words go in. You are re-programming your core image, so this is vitally important!

Do this process for about twenty minutes a day – make sure the phone and other disturbing elements are taken care of – and do it for twenty one days. (I don’t know why that magic number seems to work, but by then your brain just believes it as surely as it believes you’re a man or a woman now).

Now, here’s my problem. I know this process works. It could hardly take less effort since it involves being totally relaxed and closing your eyes – it’s very pleasant to do, and the effects are life changing! But … I can’t make you believe it. And I certainly can’t make you try it.

And I wonder if you read past paragraph one!

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