A Biography of a Scared Bill
Some people like to call me "Scardy Bill" but my name is Chance. My life as a bill starts out when I was made in "The Mint". I am a one hundred dollar bill. Some man took me out of an "ATM" (Automated Teller Machine).
While he was on the way home, he was jacked by gangsters called "The !#@? Breaks". They are four robbers that are like cereal killers on the loose. Anyway they were running from the cops when they accidentally dropped me.
A week later a little girl, about nine years old found me. This girl was so excited about finding me that she ran home about three. When she got home she told her mom that she found me near the old apartment building on Olive St. After dinner she went to her room she pulled me out of her pocket and said, "I wish you were $5,000 dollars so I could all the things I can think of, but you're just one hundred as a bill" and then she went back to bed.
Next day or morning, "Heck! I thought she would spend me but she didn’t”, then she went to breakfast, oh this is a weekend so she went to her friends and her mother picked me up and put me in her moldy pocket, can you belive there was lint probably as old as she is, there was crumbs, an old lollipop stick, and dead bugs. You can just picture this woman she looked hairy, old, disgusting, and she never had a smile on her face. I was so scared I could of turned white, and suddenly I think of all the things that have happened so far. Man if you were in my shoes heck man, you’d wish you were someone brave and not fearful. I can’t belive that I was made so scared. Oh back to the story, anyway when she put me into her pocket she thought to herself “hum… maybe I should spend the hundred dollars my daughter found and spend it at the bar over by “Wal-Mart”. “I will by wine for all of my ten friends, which are mostly girls”. I was shocked, I felt like… like I was going to die, even though I’m not alive.
Next day when she wanted to spend me, her daughter and said, “Mommy have you seen my money”, then her mother said, “No child of course not”, even though she was lying, I felt sorry for the little girl, if I were alive I would smack the woman for doing what she did. After the little girl quitted looking for me she cried and possibly threw a tantrum. I wasn’t scared at this moment, and then her mother spanked her! Then she went to bed crying her tears out, and she fell asleep in about ten minutes.
Tomorrow, on Wednesday the bar opened and over seventeen people were there. One man, the same one that had lost me I told you about, bought ninety dollars worth of beer. Like I always am, I’m afraid that he might burn me or rip me to shreds or worse! I felt as if I were to faint but when the man put me into his pocket, I saw something else in there, “a fifty dollar girl bill”. My mouth dropped and I felt as if I were in love! I’ll describe her for you; she looked like an average fifty dollar bill but a little better looking, I said to her “mum um I… you and me bound tur soue hoy”. She went “huh”? I shut my mouth until she told me, “hi um… my name is Crystal”. I said “ hi uh my name is “Scardy Bill”, I mean Chance”! I sighed in relief. She giggled. “I think you’re beautiful and gorgeous”, I said. I said, “okay, so bye”! “Bye”, she said, and I rested.
When I woke up I think we were traveling, because we were bouncing up and down. And suddenly the man put another hundred “male” dollar in his pocket. Then he said, “Hey what are you doing you beautiful bill in a dump wallet like this one”? Crystal said, “ What do you think stupid, the man who owns the wallet put me in here”. Well why don’t I give you a little kiss to settle your nerves and mine, what do you say”, he said. “Get away from me you creep”, Crystal said! I felt scared, so I stayed out of it. But she screamed, and something inside of me wanted to me brave, so I saved her and she gave me a little kiss and she said, “my hero”. And so we kissed again. And that’s the story of my life, “The Biography of a Scared Bill”!
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