How Understanding Happiness Can Stop “The Blame Game”

Most relationships start with an attraction, often mutual and sometimes one-sided but with the potential to develop into a respect which then matures into an attraction. Most of our knowledge of relationships comes from our childhood observations of our role models, usually our parents or carers, and if their relationship is a healthy and well-rounded model, the children of that relationship tend to be attracted to partners with similar characteristics. If, however, the relationships observed and experienced during childhood are toxic, negative and fearful, this is our expectation for our own journey. Often, these expectations come to fruition through our own choices because we think these relationships are normal.

While there are many reasons such as infidelity, addictions and violence for relationships to founder, one common reason is that one partner realizes they are no longer attracted to the other. With expert counseling people in this position can examine their attitudes to relationships and find solutions.

This situation affects all types of relationships, whether married couples, gay or straight, living together, in fact any type of relationship where two people have made a commitment to sharing a life together. When the relationship stalls because one partner is not attracted to the other, the result is often "it's all your fault!".

Dwelling on the idea will no longer strengthen the relationship and will surely tear the couple apart. One solution to this is to understand what makes you happy and to strive hard to achieve it. This is very useful in real life situation.

Studies of couples over a period of time show that attraction and happiness are not necessarily related to wealth or a high-living lifestyle. In fact, the happiest people in the study were those who had a mid-range or lower lifestyle, with solid support networks of close friends or family, an active social life and involved in community. A process of self-examination is more productive then playing the blame game. Just because you are no longer attracted to your partner doesn't mean that anyone is at fault.

By undertaking regular counseling sessions with a psychologist people can be helped to understand what happiness means to them, and examine their current state as opposed to what they think should make them happy. This self-examination often brings about significant change within the person that makes the relationship with their partner more meaningful. It can also result in the opposite effect, with the relationship ending with both parties able to move on with understanding and acceptance.

Self-examination is the most powerful vehicle for change available to the human race. Looking at your own attitudes first could diffuse many situations rather then judging or blaming others.

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