What is Perfectionism?

There is a Russian proverb that declares, "Perfectionism is the enemy of good enough."

What is perfectionism? It is: * The irrational belief that you and maybe even your environment must be perfect. * Striving to be the best, to reach the ideal, and to never make a mistake. * An attitude that whatever you attempt in life must be done letter perfect with no deviation, mistakes, slip-ups or inconsistencies. * A habit developed from youth that keeps you constantly alert to the imperfections, failings, and weakness in yourself and others. * The underlying motive present in the fear of failure and fear of rejection. * A reason why you may be fearful of success, i.e., if I achieve my goal, will I be able to continue, maintain that level of achievement. * The belief that no matter what you attempt it is never "good enough" to meet your own or others' expectations.

It sounds like an obsessive compulsive behavior, but for some reason perfectionism has a more acceptable connotation. However, even though doing your best in work and relationships is a desirable trait, perfectionism (also known as fastidiousness) can steal your life. It can keep you from enjoying free time if you have any free time at all! It pushes you to the point of exhaustion and alienates you from your family and others.

Some perfectionists have fought this battle their entire lives, never learning to accept a lesser-quality production in order for something better: time for having fun and enjoying relationships.

Some negative consequences of perfectionism are exhibited in the following consequences: Low self-esteem; guilt or feelings of shame and self-recrimination; pessimism, leading to discouragement and feeling disheartened about future efforts to reach goals; depression; rigidity - an extreme case of being inflexible, non-spontaneous, and rigid; obsessiveness; and even a lack of motivation. Believing that the goal to change will never be ideally or perfectly achieved can often give a perfectionist a lack of motivation to attempt change in the first place.

If perfectionism is causing a problem in your life, it might be a good idea to challenge yourself to dare to be average at some things. That can be a painful thought, but if you allow yourself to not do everything in an exceptional way, it just might free you up to be better at the things you love.

Perfectionism can be overcome but a person needs to: * Be willing to forgive yourself for mistakes or failings. * Accept that the ideal is only a guideline or goal to be worked toward, not to be achieved 100 percent. * Develop a sense of patience and to reduce the need to "get it done yesterday". * Be easier on yourself; setting unrealistic or unreasonable goals or deadlines sets you up for failure. * Recognize that your backsliding does not mean the end of the world; it is OK to pick oneself up and start all over again. * Learn to accept yourself the way you are; let go of the ideas of how you should be. * To eliminate unrealistic expectations and the idea that you are infallible. * Be flexible in setting goals and be willing to reassess your plan from time to time to keep things realistic. * Be open to the idea that you will be successful in your efforts to change, even if you are not "first," "the best," "the model," "the star pupil," or "the finest". * Realize that the important thing is to be going in a positive direction.

Once you have recognized that no change can be achieved 100 percent of the time, you'll be able to work on each behavior as needed. Hopefully, the flexibility you allow yourself will lead to more peace and greater joy in your life.

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