Deference: Being Kind to our Elders
The dictionary says the meaning of deference is courteous, respectful, or ingratiating regard for another’s wishes. How do we incorporate deference into our daily lives and how do we teach it to our children?
Here are some pointers:
• Teach your children to stand up when an older person enters the room • Open the door when an older person leaves the room • Pass the food to an older person first at the dinner table • Give an older person the favorite part of the newspaper before you read it • Hand the television remote control to an older person or ask what channel or program they'd like to watch • Assist the older person with their coat • Offer to go and get things for the older person • Teach your children not to whisper in front of older people or anyone for that matter • Talk to your children about the importance of not making fun of their age or habits • Ask older people to talk about their childhood. Then listen and look interested in what they say • Include an older person in your life and in your celebrations • Ask the older person for their opinions, and then thank them for their wisdom
I gleaned so much from my grandparents. They were farmers and worked very hard all of their lives. I loved to sit around with them and listen to their stories about what it was like when they were growing up. I have very fond memories of feeding the pigs and chickens. Their generation was so kind and gentle. Family life was extremely important to them.
A child should learn very early on to respect their elders, both in public and within their own families. This is a universal understanding that has been passed down to us generation after generation.
© Copyright 2006 The American Academy of Etiquette
About the Author
Lisa Richey is the president and founder of The American Academy of Etiquette, Inc. She is an international expert on manners. Lisa is described by many as one of the most motivational speakers on the subject matter. She is the author of Manners To Go, an activity kit for children to learn social skills. For more information please visit www.mannerstogo.com or www.americanetiquette.com.
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