5 Tips for Staying Sane While Planning Your Interfaith Wedding Ceremony
wedding Planning
Someone (I don’t know who) once observed that :
However richly inspired by love, marriage is a high wire act that is usually attempted by two nervous wrecks who just go for it, reeling with bliss and blind with the hots. The rest is work, faith and luck.
Being a wedding minister officiant, I like this quote though I don’t think “luck” has anything to do with it.
Marriage is a conscious commitment (though some are seemingly unconscious when they go through with it!). As such, a marriage will “succeed” or “fail” based on your generosity of time, energy, creativity. A marriage will “work” to the degree you are gracious in sharing your body, your thoughts, and your feelings.
A non religious wedding, interfaith wedding or for that matter a traditional wedding celebrates your commitment to being and becoming that generous, gracious partner.
Last week, I met with a couple to put the final touches on their ceremony. I asked how things were going and the groom said: “well, we’re learning to say ‘I’m sorry’ a lot faster than we used to!”
We all laughed. But, he did speak to an important issue—that of communication. . .
Relationship is communication. The heart of all relationships is communication.
Being a non denominational wedding minister and I know that planning a wedding puts a strain on a couple. Perhaps you’ve noticed?! In the 5 succeeding articles, I give you proven communication tips and skills to help alleviate the stress that comes from miscommunication.
Those 5 communication skills are:
Listening Checking assumptions Dealing with emotions Arguing fairly Setting boundaries The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the quality of the communication in your life. I will show you how to enhance the quality of your relationship, even as you deal with the craziness of planning your wedding!
A couple came to my home here in Los Angeles for an initial interfaith wedding ceremony consultation. We met in my living room. The bride and I were in animated conversation, while the groom tried his best to look interested. Then, out of nowhere, he interrupts and asks me: “great TV—do you mind if I ask how much?”
The bride became annoyed that he hadn’t been paying attention to what she was saying to me; and the groom became annoyed that she was annoyed over “nothing.”
You’ve gotta love it!
It has been said that listening is the greatest act of love. If so, then perhaps the greatest thing you can do for each other, while planning your wedding, is to listen to each other.
Yet, this is where it gets tricky. . .for brides and grooms approach a wedding from different perspectives.
I have never met a groom who told me: “I’ve been dreaming of this day since I played with my first G.I. Joe doll.” I’ve never met a bride who didn’t show up for a meeting without her “binder”. . . and I never met a groom who had a binder. . .!
Sometimes, a bride and a groom will be paying attention to different details in the wedding planning. And this means, they may not be listening to what the other is saying, since we only pay attention to what we find interesting.
The truth is that how you listen to each other now, as you plan your wedding, is a sure indication of how you will listen to each other the week after your wedding.
Do you listen to each other? Or, better, do you feel that your partner listens to you? Really listens?
The Chinese characters for “listen” are: Ear Eye Heart Undivided attention
Think about it. Isn’t it true that when you really listen to someone, you are not just “hearing” them? You are focused on them—on their face—on their body movement—on the gaps between what they don’t say.
Blackberries. Trios. Text messages. I.M. Email. Voice mail. We do business and live our lives in a swirl of information; but, how often are we actually listening?
During the planning of your wedding, there is no greater thing you can do for each other than to listen. There is no greater thing you can do than to make time to really listen.
Try this:
Make a date with each other. Go some place you both enjoy. Turn off the cell phones. Talk. Relax. Laugh. Listen to the concerns of your partner—those spoken and unspoken. Remind yourselves why you are doing this craziness. Plan. Plot. Prepare. Laugh.
I once came across a card that said: a friend is someone who hears the song in your heart and sings it to you when memory fails.
I know—it is corny! But, your “memory” is going to fail you as you plan your wedding. It’s reassuring if you know that your partner has been listening and will remind you of what your big day is all about (even if they sing off key!)
Copyright © 2005 JP Reynolds About JP Reynolds: JP Reynolds is a non-denominational, interfaith and cross-cultural wedding minister in the greater Los Angeles area. He has officiated at over 500 weddings specializes in wedding ceremonies that tailored the couples.
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