Low Self Esteem Is Nonsense

Copyright (c) 2011 Willie Horton

“I think that I’m suffering from low self esteem!” That was the opening line of a conversation that I had with one of my clients last week. He should have known better because he’d done my personal development workshop a few months earlier – he obviously wasn’t listening! He also should have know how I’d respond. After I had told him that he knew, in his heart and soul, that he was talking nonsense and that I’d love to hear from him again when he had come to his senses, I ended the call!

I don't know anyone who doesn't entertain (and that's clearly the wrong word!) feelings of inadequacy. I have never met anybody who is completely and utterly happy with who they are. We all have good and bad days but, sometimes, one bad day leads into two, three or more and we end up feeling sorry for ourselves. Sure enough, how we think other people are treating us does play an important part in how we feel about ourselves - but you shouldn't really be bothered about what other people think of you, they don't! The vast majority of so-called normal people, who are already overawed by their own perceived inadequacies, are also constantly worrying about what you're think about them!

However, our deepest feelings of low self esteem have little or nothing to do with how people currently treat us - they're borne out of what we think about ourselves. These self defeating thoughts or limiting beliefs have nothing to do with what is going on in our lives at present - nor do they have anything to do with who we really are. All the negative stuff that we perceive about who we are, what we're capable of or, more importantly, what we're not able to achieve, rise from the darkest depths of our subconscious mind - and they've been lurking in those shadows for years, like resident evil waiting to pounce just when other things in our lives don't seem to be going too well either.

You learned about yourself during your formative years, when you were young and impressionable. As you grew up - even into your teenage years - your subconscious mind was wide open to a whole variety of influences - to all the important things that other people did for you or to you. When you were a young child, your mind was sponge-like - it took everything in. Not only were you completely immersed in what you were experiencing - you were so absorbed that things that really caught your attention were impressed upon your subconscious mind. And they're still there all these years later.

Sadly, psychology tells us that we are more likely to dwell on the negative impressions in our subconscious mind than the positive ones - it's always easier to believe the bad stuff. And that means that, even though we're completely unaware of it because it's subconscious, these impressions from our childhood are always uppermost in our subconscious mind. You might say to yourself "so what?" But the fact is that your subconscious mind dictates your behaviour and creates your version of reality. So the perceived inadequacies with which your subconscious mind is preoccupied play out in your life - today, as an adult. And that is why the normal adult can so easily fall prey to the misconception that they are prone to feelings of low self esteem.

They're not, of course - they just think that they are. Low self esteem is a trick of the mind. Indeed, high self esteem is a trick of the mind too - either way it all boils down to you thinking about yourself too much.

You need to stop thinking and start doing. Now, if we prefer to focus on negative thoughts, it would be far better if we did no thinking whatsoever! By doing, I mean doing what you're supposed to be doing - I don't mean trying to do things that will take your mind off your perceived low self esteem or make you feel better about yourself. I mean actually fully doing whatever it is you're doing now.

The normal mind's preoccupation with out-dated self perceptions means that it pays very little attention to the here and now. The result is that very little ends up getting done properly - little is achieved and our lives end up becoming the self-fulfilling prophecy that confirms that we were correct in harbouring those perceived inadequacies. To drag your subconscious away from its preoccupation with your formative years, you must bring your attention into the here and now - whatever it is you're doing now. As I said to my client, you need to come to your senses.

Your five senses are your only interface with reality. If you engage with reality, by using your five senses, you will stop paying subconscious attention to the thoughts that are making you feel bad about yourself. It's as simple as that. In other words, you've got to see, feel, hear, smell and taste the reality of the moment. You can't do this automatically, you're going to have to train your mind to do it.

So, sometime today, make five minutes for yourself - that's all it will take - so that you can drop everything, sit down and just watch the world go by. See what's going on - don't judge it, just see it. Take care to hear the sounds that are all around you just now - take note that, from moment to moment, new sounds present themselves and then are gone. Actually feel how it feels to be where you are - how your clothes are brushing against your body. Smell the smells of the moment - you'll always come across some aroman or other! And rub your tongue along your teeth to get the taste of the moment. Now, you must realize that your mind was built to wander. So, when it does, simply grab a hold of the next sound that you hear or the next sight that passes before your eyes.

Feeling that you're suffering from low self esteem has nothing whatsoever to do with real reality. When you start feeling sorry for yourself, run your hand along the fabric of the chair your sitting in or along the wood of the table top your sitting at - forget all the nonsense that's going on in your head - all that negative stuff - and get in touch with reality.

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