Keep Control Of Your Own Power

One of the main ways that you can build and develop your own self confidence and esteem is by making sure that you own the power in your life.

When I was a young single guy I had a group of friends that I used to go to parties and clubs with. Most of us used to go home alone but one guy always seemed to manage to leave with a girl..

He wasn't particularly good looking, he wasn't the greatest dancer, or the best conversationalist. It wasn't like he had a Mercedes outside.

None of us could work out how he managed it.

I can look back now, review what he did and how he behaved, and it's not such a secret anymore, in fact it's pretty obvious. While most of us would spend time building up our nerve to 'chat up' one girl, or maybe two, he would just keep on asking until one of them said yes.

Most of the time the girl would say no, sometimes politely, sometimes not. For most of us it only took a couple of those and we would decide to go and drown the memory of our rejections in beer..

The thing with Mark was, if one girl said no he just moved on and asked another. It was as if he didn't care about being rejected.

With the benefit of hindsight, plus the experience and training of the years in between,. It wasn't that he didn't care about being rejected, it was that he didn't actually consider it to be a rejection.

If you're thinking this is just a story about how to 'pick up' girls (or guys) then you're wrong.

It's about self confidence

How do you measure your success in life?

How do you know you are happy?

How do you know that you are loved?

How do you know that you are empowered?

Everyone is different and everyone has different rules for feeling all of the above things, and for feeling all of the other emotions in life. I have worked with some really successful people over the years and here's something I've noticed about them.

They don't rely on other peoples reactions, feedback or advice to decide how they feel.

Imagine that their is a ball, not of rubber, but of energy and power. Now imagine that you are holding this glowing ball. This is the power to feel good. The power to feel happy. The power to feel successful.

To illustrate, have a go at answering the following questions.

"How do I know when I am successful?"

"How do I know when I am loved?"

"How do I know when I am significant?"

"How do I know when I am doing a good job?"

Go on… it's a good idea to actually write your answers down so why not get a piece of paper and a pen.

Now… back to that ball of power.

Look at your answers.

How many of your answers refer to someone else telling you something or doing something? or doing something? or behaving in a certain way? or not doing something? or not saying something? or not behaving in a certain way?

If you allow another persons reactions to an event to control how you feel, who has the power in your life? If you do this a lot, or even all of the time, how much of your life is n the control of other people?. That's surrendering that ball of power.

Now imagine that only your opinion really matters. The most important person to get feedback from is you. You don;t really need it from anyone else.

If you want to feel happy then you can decide what has to happen for you to feel happy. the same applies for anything else, like feeling loved, or successful.

That glowing ball of power is firmly back in your control, and that's the safest place for it. I mean, who's hands a safer than yours??

Once you can remove external validations and start to look within then it becomes possible to set up rules that make it easy to feel good and to remove the rules that cause a fear of failing, or a fear of being rejected. As you do this you will find that your self confidence will build. My clients have often said that they can actually feel the confidence build within them as they replace their old external validations for new internal ones.

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