From INsecurity to INNER-Security
(How to Overcome Fear with Reasoning)
For the majority of my life I have suffered from insecurity. That insecurity has most notably manifested itself as what is called glossophobia, which is the fear of public speaking. If you’re reading this, I imagine that you can likely relate as surveys have shown that 3 out of every 4 people tend to experience some level of speech anxiety and this suffering troubles them when they deliver public speeches. My level of speech anxiety has gone from sweating profusely to having a full-on panic attack and for a long time, I attempted to simply avoid speaking publicly. Yet, I’ve found it to be inescapable as I tend to frequently attract those opportunities. Here’s a snapshot of my continuing journey from Insecurity to Inner Security.
Back in late 2010, I took a 12-week course where I began to embark upon a powerful exploration of myself and my creative ability. In doing so, I discovered that I had an ability to produce and deliver poetry in a way that seemed to really move people. One of the teachers of that class, a poet herself, encouraged me to cultivate this raw skill by performing at open mics as well as any other available events. By that time, this teacher had earned my trust, so I decided to follow her suggestion, and I began frequenting open mics and other events around town. The thought of this scared me to death, yet I knew it would put me in position to come to a better understanding of the cause of my insecurity and learn ways to build inner security.
Over the past few years I’ve performed in front of crowds of 5 to 500 people, and I’ve learned a number of things about overcoming fear and insecurity, the most prominent being the essential life skill of REASONING. I’ve come to realize that fear is not negative, or at least, it doesn’t have to remain a negative. Our fears are actually just a great feedback system that point to areas of our lives that need responding to. From this perspective, fear can then be used to work “for us”, through facing the fears and consciously choosing to reason through our experiences. Reasoning consists of the productive use of our memory, attention and our imagination.
MEMORY (Past)
Reasoning occurs in the conscious mind. Our brains are always collecting data and creating memories from our experiences. Traumatic experiences tend to leave a deeper impression in our minds and we tend to form beliefs based off those memories. Old memories (beliefs) can haunt us in the present without us having any conscious awareness of where the feeling comes from. Somewhere in my childhood, I developed the unconscious beliefs that “I need others to accept me”, and what others think of me became more important than what I think of me. I didn’t feel secure, if I didn’t feel accepted. So, as an adult, leading up to a poetry performance, my mind would be flooded with thoughts reflecting my worry, such as “What if they don’t like it? What if I forget the words? Is this material really as good as I think it is? What if I’m a one-hit wonder?”, etc. Then, I’d begin to feel a small amount of anxiety, start to sweat and the momentum would build as thoughts of previous experiences of anxiety would come to mind. Part of reasoning, is using memory productively, being able to look at a situation that has occurred in the past and perceive how it can benefit us today. Panic steals our ability to think straight, concentrate, and to access the higher faculties of our mind which allow us to perceive reality from this perspective. At this point, we must quiet or still the mind, to slow the negative momentum that is building.
ATTENTION (Present)
Our attention is our most precious commodity. Think about it. For someone to converse with us, sell us something, teach us anything, we must first give them our attention. This is why businesses pay so much to ad agencies to create memorable commercials, and purchase expensive TV air time. In fact, the 2016 Super Bowl was viewed by approximately 112 million people, allowing CBS to charge $5 million for a 30-second commercial, which is $166,666 per second! Have you thought about why we tend to feel valued and important after being truly listened to? It’s because the listener has just given us the most precious thing they have to give, their attention. What we resist, persists. As I’d begin to feel anxiety before going on stage, I discovered that I needed to bring my attention into the present moment by first simply taking a few deep breaths. Conscious breathing not only calms our mind; it makes us more aware of how energy is moving through us. Becoming more self-aware, we can then take a moment to face our fear by acknowledging the truth of our ‘present reality’, which for me was “I'm afraid and starting to feel panicked”, but I’m not actually in any “real” danger. By doing that, I don’t attempt to ignore it, or pretend it's not there which tends to only make things worse. This puts me on the road to overcoming panic by working with, not against, the panic and anxiety symptoms.
We become as we think. In that sometimes brief moment of self-awareness and self-acceptance, I achieve a small degree of separation from my symptoms, and arrive at a point where I can actually reach for a more productive thought and awaken to the fact that I have experienced true danger in the past and this is definitely not one of those times. Once I embrace that thought I can bring my consciousness into a place of neutrality where I can concentrate and focus my attention on my purpose for being there in the first place, which is to share what I have to give and hopefully add value to people’s lives. When I am willing to continuously face my fears, and move through this process, a foundation is being laid, upon which security is built. Each time its gets a little easier. The key is that we have to allow ourselves to explore our fears with the intent of gaining understanding.
Face your fear. A little less than a year after I began writing poetry, I attended a concert by my favorite poet of all time, Saul Williams. Before he began, he asked the audience if any of the local poets would like to share a poem before he got started. Part of me desired to and knew that I should go up there on stage, but I wasn’t confident in my material. I allowed my fear and insecurity to win out, and didn’t go up. I immediately felt a bit deflated. After I heard the first couple of poets perform, I felt even worse because in comparison, I realized my material was adequate. Needless to say, the memory of not giving myself the experience of sharing my poetry while sharing the stage with my favorite poet makes me feel terrible to this day. I’ve had a few experiences of bombing during a performance. After having this experience, I came to realize that the pain of “not trying to succeed”, is infinitely worse than the pain of “trying and not succeeding”.
IMAGINATION (Future)
Our thoughts create our reality. Visualization is the direct engagement of the imaginative faculty. It is the cognitive process of purposefully generating visual mental imagery, with eyes open or closed. Productively using the memory, we can draw upon images stored in our brains, recreate them in our mind’s eye, in order to maintain, inspect, and transform those images into more desirable ones. Consequently, we change the emotions or feelings associated, with the intent of alleviating psychological pain including anxiety, sadness, low moods; improving our self-esteem and self-confidence. During my time frequenting poetry clubs, I was introduced to the skill of visualization and I began spending a few minutes a day, either in my meditation area or out in about, visualizing myself successfully performing my poetry. Despite my anxiety, I had had a few successful performances under my belt where I had received standing ovations. So, I’d image that type of reaction from the audience until I felt really good about it. My type of poetic delivery can be very energetic, so I’d image myself being inwardly peaceful while on the outside, being boldly dramatic in my expression. It felt as though I was paving the way to having those experiences, as more and more I found my experiences reflecting what I had imaged. Now, whenever I hit the stage to share my poetry, I am full of confidence because I have given myself numerous experiences of acknowledging, accepting and facing my fears associated with this. I’ve visualized myself succeeding over and over, and I actively look for the “good” in all of previous experiences. And no matter whether I label them success or failure, they have all granted me what I most desire, knowledge of Self.
About the Author
Rashard Garrett was born and raised in Dallas, Texas. He graduated from Duncanville High School in 1995 and out of a curiosity to understand human behavior, he went on to take classes at Cedar Valley College studying psychology. Rashard, realizing that his learning needed to move into the esoteric realm, began consciously studying the practical use of Metaphysics in 2009. Of course, when the student is ready, the teacher will come. In the fall of 2011, Rashard discovered the School of Metaphysics and began his study of Self Mastery. Loving how the course of study had been life changing for him, he decided to share his understandings and love with others and later became a teacher with the organization. In 2014, Rashard accepted the responsibility and honor of the Directing the School of Metaphysics Fort Worth branch where he continues to grow, serving himself and his community as the school’s Director.
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