Should You Settle?
"The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live." -Flora Whittemore
Someone I have come to know through my writing recently asked me this question, "Should I do what I don't want and settle or should I be patient and let him find me?"
I believe the real question hinges on what you consider settling is. If you settle for anything less than a mutually respectful, honest, loving relationship, then my answer would be, no.
But, keep in mind that life is a compromise. All relationships have their ups and downs, strengths and weaknesses, but that isn't what we are talking about here. We are talking about not settling for being mistreated in any fashion, on a consistent and ongoing basis.
What I often see is that so many people desperately want a relationship and it's this quite loneliness that gets them into trouble. To fill this gnawing void they are more apt to attach themselves to the wrong person.
Wanting a relationship so much sometimes hinders you from seeing what you see. You may have a tendency to put the blinders on and aggrandize this new found loves' qualities. Or worse yet, you may choose to ignore the warning signs because you want this to work so much.
It's up to you to determine what is important to you in a relationship and that is what you should base your decision upon when deciding if you are settling or not. Setting boundaries is the first step in protecting yourself from walking down the wrong path.
In my book, There Is Life After What's-His-Name, I wrote a chapter titled, "You Know You Saw Red Flags!" Use any "red flags" as warning signs to help protect you from falling into the wrong relationship.
Keep your eyes wide open and when you don't feel right, or you feel that you are settling and don't deserve to be treated a certain way, then turn around and run - don't walk, and don't look back!
This is typically where people get themselves into trouble. They convince themselves that it only happened once, or they apologized and they are really sorry, or they just made a mistake...they're really a good person.
It's one thing to make a mistake, but when YOU start feeling bad or if your feelings are always being neglected, ask yourself, "Is this worth it? Is this really the way I want to be treated?"
Do not settle for something you don't want and then accept it in the name of love!
Filling that instant gratification may not be worth it in the long run. Learning to love yourself enough to protect yourself and move yourself out of harm's way will make asking, "should I settle" a question in your past.
When you are falling in love and begin to find that Mr. Wonderful isn't so wonderful, at this point if you choose to settle be prepared for a lot of heartache and pain.
People who desperately seek love have a tendency to blindly trust and give of themselves too quickly. Keep in mind before you just dive in hook, line and sinker that people have to earn your trust, it isn't something you simply give away. Let them prove to you that they are worthy of being trusted.
What I have come to find is that it is the loneliness that people can't handle. It is this fear of being alone forever that drives them into unhealthy relationships. In my estimation, I would rather be alone than with the wrong person. It simply isn't worth it.
Finding ways to fill the loneliness will take off the pressure of "needing" someone to fill that void. Such as when you fill your life with other purposes, people, activities, hobbies, etc. There is a fullness that will begin to quell that lonely feeling. Volunteering for children or the less fortunate can really put your life into perspective.
You won't need someone in your life to be complete as much as you may now only want them instead. Needing and wanting are very different things.
Try and find your happiness within first. That is when any need you have will be filled with the knowing that you are fine, just the way you are with or without a relationship.
And, when you come from this perspective you will never settle for anything you don't want or you don't deserve.
About the Author
Susan Russo is an author whose pointed and direct approach has helped many people move beyond the heartache of a divorce or breakup and see there really is life after what's his or her name. Would you like to learn how to move on sooner rather than later? Learn how to with Susan's FREE "7 Steps to Survive a Breakup or Divorce" found at=> http://www.whystay.com
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