Dating Advice From David Deangelo – What is the “Ewww Effect?”
There is this hideous little four letter word in the dating game that will instantly KILL any attraction a woman might have felt toward you. Do you know the word? I bet you do. It is “Ewww!” The “Ewww Effect”, as David Deangelo has so eloquently named it, is a total attraction killer, and to be avoided at all costs by every man out there, whether he is just circling the waters for a date, or has honed in on a target and is ready to move in for the kill!
But wait! Before you go any further, let me relay a story to you that David Deangelo tells in one of his newsletters (cited at end of article), because this is something that you have GOT TO KNOW before you go any further, today – this minute! So take 5 and read on… (And if this sounds familiar, don’t worry, I have not named you!)
“Once upon a time, there was a man who was very attracted to a particular woman. At first, she was just another attractive woman... but the more he got to know her, the more he began to feel attracted to her... and the more time he spent with her, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and affection for her.
But there was one problem. As his emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, he also grew more and more insecure. Why? Because he couldn't tell whether or not she felt the same way towards him. Sometimes she would say things like "You are so important to me" and "I'm glad that you're in my life"... but nothing ever progressed past the "friendship" stage. There was an occasional hug, an occasional kiss on the cheek from her... and once she even held his hand for a long time while he talked about an emotional issue.
But something was wrong with the picture. She just wasn't acting like a woman that was "falling in love". She was acting like a friend. The insecurity that he felt became a spiral that amplified itself... and the more insecure he became, the more afraid he grew of "screwing things up" by kissing her or asking her to be his girlfriend. Plus, the more insecure he became, the less time she seemed to want to spend with him.
After spending many days and nights obsessing over this girl, the man finally arrived at the conclusion that if she only knew how HE FELT, that she would feel the same way. So he made a bold move. He TOLD HER how he was felt.
He confessed that he was in love, and that he would do anything to be with her. She looked at him with compassion in her eyes and said "Thank you... I really mean that... but I don't want to mess up our friendship... you're too important to me...”
This only confused the man more. He didn't know how to take it... Did it mean that she really loved him too, but that she was afraid of something? Did it mean that she wasn't ready for a long-term relationship? Did it mean that she didn't love him, but that she was trying to give him a hint? Did it mean that he hadn't tried hard enough? Did it mean that he needed to put everything on the line and REALLY let her know how he felt?
He finally decided that he couldn't go on like this anymore... he had to be with her. He had to make sure that she knew just how much he wanted to be with her... so he took a big step, bought her a symbolic gift, and wrote her a long, long letter... again confessing his feelings.
And then the unthinkable happened. She didn't reply. He called her three times a day for almost a week before reaching her. She made an excuse about being very busy, and said "I'll try to give you a call soon, I have to go"... and hung up...but he never got a call back. Over the following months, the man tried desperately to understand what went wrong... and what happened.”
What a nice, heartwarming story, huh? Sound familiar? I know, let me guess, you are not that desperate. But in one way or another, we have ALL been there. One time or another, the “Ewww! effect” has got us, and we got stuck in the friend zone, and then pushed out of the friend zone even because we wanted more.
Why does that happen? It is ALL about attraction, my friend, all about ATTRACTION. As David Deangelo says, the “Ewww effect is like hammering a railroad spike into the coffin of your relationship!” Why do men keep doing the things that cause the “Ewww effect” over and over? Because they don’t GET IT!
Do you want to get it? I mean, really, do you WANT TO GET IT? (I’ll give you a hint – SHE wants you to get it, that’s for sure!)
The thing that most women know but most men don’t is that there are certain traits that women are looking for in a guy. The surprising thing is that those traits don’t have anything to do with whether or not you look like Brad Pitt or drive a Viper. Its all about the attraction and David Deangelo says it best when he says that “Attraction Isn’t a Choice!” There are things a guy can do to up his attraction level to women by a HUGE amount, and David D tells you exactly what those steps are one by one.
Try this on for size – “if you think about it from HER perspective, you'll realize that the moment you do something to "confess", you have created a TURNING POINT in the relationship. Up until that point, you were harmless. I mean, women always know how men feel. She already knew you wanted her. She knew it from the beginning.
But now that you've started pursuing her and talking about how you feel, you've created a NEGATIVE TENSION that is VERY uncomfortable. You've triggered an emotion that is repulsive to women. And it does repel them. You can't "make a woman like you" or "change how she feels about you" by doing nice things for her...Doing "nice" things for a woman who isn't attracted to you HURTS you. It backfires. Worse, it creates the "Instant Ewww" feeling that makes it so she'll NEVER like you. Men make this mistake over and over again in life because they're doing what MAKES SENSE to them. They're doing it because they don't have an understanding of ATTRACTION. I mean, if you have a friend, and you like them, and you want to make them like you more...and you do some nice things for them, they will probably like you more.
On the other hand...if you have a woman that you "like" in a romantic way and she doesn't "feel it" for you, and you do something nice for her because you want HER to like you more, it will BACKFIRE... and she will not only NOT like you more, she will most likely distance herself from you. Guys think that they need to communicate when they like a woman... as if that's part of the necessary process of getting a girl.
In their minds, it goes like this:
Like her -> Tell her you like her -> She likes you
Well remember... if you follow this pattern yourself with women who aren't ATTRACTED to you, then it's going to BACKFIRE. If she's not into you, then it goes like THIS:
She thinks of you as a friend -> You tell her you like her -> She gets the "Instant Ewwws" and never wants to be around you again...
THE ANSWER
There are really TWO answers to this problem. The first answer is what to do if you're in a situation where you like a particular girl, but you don't know if she likes you back.
DON'T GET HEAVY WITH HER.
Don't buy her a big gift and write a love letter...Don't send her ten dozen roses to her work with a note that says, "From your secret admirer". Don't call her three times a day.
And DON'T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for her.
If you want to know how she feels about you, KISS HER (and use "The Kiss Test" that you can learn on David D’s website or in his e-book). As a rule of thumb, don't get heavier than HER. Use SIGNALS from her to find out how she feels...and if you don't know how to read and create those signals, then LEARN.
Asking a woman if she's interested in you in a romantic way or if you are "her type", will actually DESTROY the chances that she'll like you. Really.
The SECOND answer is: Don't get into this particular situation in the FIRST PLACE. Avoid it entirely. And how does one do that?
One does that by creating ATTRACTION from the beginning.
One does that by understanding the dynamics of how and why women have the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION triggered. One does that by knowing what you're doing FROM THE BEGINNING.” And THAT, my friend, is something that cannot be taught in the short span of one article on dating advice.
If you want to learn more, and really increase your game, check out my website. I have more of David Deangelo’s free newsletters here, and there is a ton more advice, dating tips and absolute “gotta haves” here. David D tells you how to basically hook a woman like a trout on a fly – and then you can keep her or toss her back at YOUR discretion!
http://www.YouCanGetTheGirl.com
Newsletter excerpts property of David Deangelo.
Works Cited: Deangelo, David. “Secrets Women Know That Men Don’t”. Retrieved from < http://www.youcangetthegirl.com/DDeangeloSingle_files/page0002.htm> Aug 22, 2006.
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