Beware of Hyperactive Parenting: 5 Tips to Keep From Pushing Children Too Hard
The American lifestyle has changed a lot in the past few decades, and suddenly we find ourselves surrounded with more life opportunities than we could ever hope to fit in one lifetime. And of course we all want the best for our children, so many parents push their kids to do it all, creating a phenomenon often called hyper-parenting, where we drive kids to stress and overwork at far too young an age.
There's a lot to be said for children being given a chance to be children, and here are 5 tips for making sure you don't get caught up in the ratrace many others have made of their child's life.
1. Don't Allow Too Much at Once
We want our children to do it all, and some kids are naturally talented enough for just that. So we enroll them in every single sport we can, drag them to music classes, put them in martial arts, and sign them up for all the clubs that equal a bright future. But kids can only handle so much at once.
Ration their time rather than doing everything you can to fill it. It may be a good idea to make limits, such as one physical hobby at a time and one music hobby at a time, etc. Most importantly, any new obligations should make sense after comparing what will be gained to the reality of squeezing it into an already hectic life.
2. Allow Gaps in Structure
Come to terms with the fact that not every second of a child's life can or should be filled. Children need unstructured play time just as much if not more than they need regimented activity. It allows them to embrace their creative nature and use their own imagination to have fun. It allows them to explore the world on their own terms.
3. Avoid Becoming a "Competitive Parent"
Ask yourself who you are really doing it all for—do you find yourself getting caught up in a style of parenting that has almost become a sports in its own right? Do you find yourself envying other parents when their child does better or accomplishes something your child hasn't? These are hard questions to answer, but it is important to be honest with yourself.
4. Emphasize Social Skills
Over-ambitious children often do great in every other area of life but never develop proper social skills, and humans need healthy human interaction to be happy and fulfilled. Start relationship-building at home, by making family time a top priority. Allow children enough time to spend with their friends and organize just-for-fun social events.
5. Don't Push Too Hard Too Soon
Some parents push their children too soon. We've all heard these stories of child prodigies who start almost as far back as infancy before becoming a legend in their field, and we begin to assume that's what it takes to succeed. But sometimes children are just too young and don't have the focus (or even an ounce of desire). Be realistic with your expectations, and remember that there are as many people who shock the world by accomplishing great things having had a dramatically late life start as the other way around.
Not to mention far far more who become great after starting the same time as everyone else.
I understand the desire to see your child become a success—we want them to have the happiness and gratification that comes from that. But when you push too hard too soon and become a hyper-parent, you run the risk of getting the opposite result. Balance is the key, for us and for them.
About the Author
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