Secrets

By Catherine Franz

Having our own secret secrets, ones that you never dare tell anyone else, creates emotional stress. When they build, they ruin your health. They can make you angry with people, and even at the whole world in general.

Knowing secrets about other people creates drama and builds excitement. It is also a trillion dollar industry. Just look at the tabloids.

Four elements create the formula that builds into a guarded and destructive secret:

Guilt + Fear + Judgment + Person = Secret

Secrets need to be let go and there are three ways to do just that:

1. Talk with a therapist.

2. Talk to the person that the secret is connected too. Maybe you need to apologize or ask for forgiveness. Maybe you feel they need to. You will usually find that they were feeling the same thing. Use an intermediary, like a coach, or a therapist, or someone trained to stay neutral and guide the discussion if needed.

If the person is deceased, then talk with someone you trust implicitly like a coach or therapist. Let them provide feedback on what they are hearing in-between the lines and give some course of action suggestions.

3. If it was something they did to you, find out more about that person, what was their life like, who were they, what pressures did they have in their life, what were their goals.

Most journalers will only write entries up to a certain boundary, then stop. They will not go into their deep down right embarrassing secrets. Yet, these very same secrets stop us from being the stars of our own life.

Secrets make you sick, they place barriers in between you and your goals. Even in your relationships when they actually have nothing to do with that person.

Holding onto other people’s secrets is dangerous. Someone at work tells you something in secret. Now you walk around with THEIR weight on your shoulders. What a burden you are carrying.

Built over time, with this person sharing and the next sharing, you either can't hold them in any longer or forgot whose what to whom and they just slip out. Of course, losing their trust in the process, and usually their fake friendship. When these build over time, it affects sleeping habits, eating habits, and even thinking clearly. Many people don't even know this is what is occurring. They blame it on the weather, working too hard, someone else, and worse yet, themselves.

When someone wants to share a secret with you, don't get into the drama and excitement of the moment. The price is too high. Tell them, "No, thank you." Tell them this story and about the price that is paid. Stop the process. Start nipping it in the bud. You don't need this, and you don't want people who fuel their life by pushing their secrets on you. Because when they give you their secret, they no longer carry the weight, you now carry their weight. This is exactly why people want to give away their secrets, because they are too heavy for them.

You will definitely walk taller and carry a lot less weight on your shoulders. And sleep so much better at night.

Oops, got off the topic of journaling here -- so, let me get back on track.

If you're secret is that powerfully deep, then write it down on separate paper, and burn it afterwards. Keep writing about on separate paper and keep burning it. You may need to do it many times until you begin to release the secret from its stronghold, especially if the secret has gone for a long time. People have shared with me over the years that sometimes they had to do this exercise as many as 40 times when it was from long ago or the secret was big.

Do the same if you hold the secret for other people. If you have enough courage, give the secret back to them. Tell them you don't want to hold their secret any more and if someone asks you, you are going to just say it. Now, that takes a lot of courage but it sure does make a HUGE difference in who you are and your confidence. It will also make you think quickly before you accept another new secret.

Now, I didn't say this process was going to be easy. Then it isn't that hard either. You pick up the pen, start with one secret, work through that one, and then burn it in a ritual over the sink. Others will bubble up afterwards because our soul is recognizing an opportunity to free itself. To feel lighter and it will jump at the chance. This will work, guaranteed! All you have to do is do it once and you will see.

If you are overweight, you will probably find yourself stop stuffing your face trying to bury the secrets with food. That’s a good thing. I've known many a client and friend, who once started working on this loose many, many, pounds.

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