Self Confidence From Inside Myself Instead of Outside

Copyright (c) 2010 Dawn McIntyre

I have a friend with a daughter who is 11 years old, and just beginning to ask questions like, “Am I beautiful?” and “Do others think that I’m pretty?” She is spending less time playing on the swings outside in the backyard, and more time in front of the mirror wondering if she measures up to her friends at school. She is making the detrimental choice that many of us grown adult women make – she’s placing the answer to her vulnerable questions on beauty in the hands of others.

The truth is that we all want to belong. Every woman wants to feel beautiful and desired by others. But we cannot be perceived as beautiful by others before we ourselves truly believe that we are an object of desire, a sight to behold and a woman of worth and beauty. Think about it… if you truly believe that you are beautiful to others, don’t you walk with more confidence? Don’t you speak with more certainty? You would radiate with confidence and others would notice it. Maybe you’re already there… awesome! However, if you don’t feel that you have the confident self-perception that you desire, I have a solution for you. I want you to change the way you think and the way you act. Sounds like a tall order, doesn’t it? Stick with me here.

Change the way you think:

You are what you eat, but you are also what you think. To a large degree, we are all self-fulfilling prophesies. If we think that we are less than par in the “looks” department, we will act that way. We might not wear clothing that would reveal our curves. Instead, we would wear something that is more non-descript that would not draw significant attention. On the other hand, if we don’t believe those “you’re not pretty enough” lies that every woman is confronted with, then we might act differently, right? If we don’t believe media’s hype that women need to compare themselves to the Photoshop-tweaked cover girls staring out from the magazine stands, then perhaps we might begin to believe that we are worthy of compliments rather than being embarrassed by them. The key is this: stop focusing on what you believe your flaws are, and start dwelling on the God-given beautiful features that you have. You don’t like your nose? Okay then, focus on appreciating your gorgeous hazel eyes! Of course, always keep in mind that your looks are only the icing on the cake to the depth and value of your spirit and soul.

Change the way you act:

Once you channel your thoughts to focus on the good rather than what you perceive to be the flaws, then you’ll start to make choices that reflect your newfound inner goddess! Instead of wearing a frumpy outfit, you might choose attractive clothing that reveals your best features (without revealing too much!). You’ll be more bold with jewelry, accessories and makeup if you’d like. You’ll take care of your body by eating well and working out. Rather than minimizing your curves and drawing attention away from your shape, you’ll focus on taking the best care of what God has given you.

While it’s natural to seek approval from others, do not fall into the trap of allowing others to define you. By taking responsibility for your own thoughts when you stand in front of the mirror, you can reclaim your self identity as a woman of beauty. I want to instill in your heart the truth that every woman – and every blossoming young lady – needs to know: you are a beautiful woman whose self-worth and perception is found within your own heart and head, rather than in the words of others around you.

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