Ae you trying to fix the blame not the problem?

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Why when things go wrong, do we usually point the finger at someone else? Stop looking for excuses for failure. Instead uncover one of the most fundamental secrets of personal success.

Rob swore it was his wife's fault. If she hadn't nagged him into buying into that real estate deal in Costa Rica, then he wouldn't have lost all that money.

Darwin blamed his brother. He was such a loser, and he'd dragged Darwin along with him when he hit those casino's. Now they are both in deep financial trouble.

Karen knew though, it was all her husbands doing. He was useless: no focus, no direction, and now no job. If only he coulda got his act together then they would've been fine.

For Francis it was all the fault of her ex-best friend, Jan. Jan had always been jealous of her, making sure she drove a wedge between Francis and Francis' boyfriend Cole, eventually destroying their relationship. She'd have married him by now it hadn't been for that two-faced, conniving woman.

Blame. Blame. Blame.

You might not know them by name but you know they're out there. They stopped you getting the best education, blocked your promotion, or made you look stupid in that really important meeting. They swiped the woman (or guy) you were crazy about while you turned your head the other way--just for a moment of course--they teased and bullied you when you were a shorty, leaving you with all kinds of chips to shoulder. Remember them? THEY weighted the deck against you, making sure you'd never get on in life...

And when it's not Fred, or Joe or your mother, your boss, or your best friend, it's the politicians, or the weather, or corporations who make you lose your money, do stupid things, trip over a broken pavement and break a leg, get fat, drink coffee that's too hot and burns your mouth, or make you fill your lungs with cancer-making smoke.

And when all else fails, and we can't find something more specific to blame, we put it down to life. This unfair, unfeeling, odds-stacked-against-me, just can't win life...

Blame, blame, blame.

It's not my fault--it's his, or hers, or THEM.

In fact from everything I hear I'm starting to feel that there's more of THEM, than US.

Take Ross---he would have been a director in his firm by now, except his boss had it in for him. Just plain didn't like him. Didn't matter how hard Ross worked, or the results he brought in, Jeff did everything in his power to cut Ross' career path off without air. Ross figured he was jealous. It worked too. He and Ross ended up having a blazing argument-- and Ross walked right out that door. Problem was the satisfaction of throwing his job back in his boss's face only lasted one evening, a few drinks and a couple of indignant re-tellings. By morning the short-lived victory was dust in his mouth and 'THEY' had won.

Yup, you can't escape them. No matter where you go--the ghetto, the shopping mall, the boardroom, or even the family room, you'll always find a 'THEM' somewhere around, standing in front of you and getting in your way.

The thing is that 90% of the time, THEY are nothing more than a figment of our imaginations. THEY only exist because we make them real. We breathe life into these characters, turning them into the bogeymen who rule our fate. And you know what? We do it because THEY give us a great reason for not facing up to our own individual responsibilities. In other words, they give us a very good reason for failing. We let the idea of them get in the way of out possibility; we turn our imaginations from asset to enemy. We deny our own responsibility for personal success.

Don't get me wrong. There are mean-spirited, small-minded folks out there. We've talked about them before: the takers, and the bottom-feeders. the blockers and the tacklers. But the reality is all those folks only get their power from US. When we allow them to suck us into their small-minded, jealous little worlds; when we start finger-pointing and deferring blame; when we STOP taking responsibility for our own lives, our own successes--and yes, our own failures---that's when THEY become stronger, more real and dangerous.

So look. We've each been dealt a hand, and we have to play it with all the heart we have. The only way to turn a poor hand into a winning streak is to change the game. Stop looking over your shoulder at the 'coulda-shouldas'; stop letting the nay-sayers get in the way--just vault right over those blockages and cut right through the snarl-ups--but above all, STOP finding all kinds of EXCUSES for why you won't succeed and start finding the REASONS for why you will.

Yup, one of the most fundamental secrets to success is really pretty simple. It's time to stop blaming the other guy and start relying on yourself.

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