Deployment, Kids and Separation Anxiety

Separation from loved ones is difficult under any circumstances and it's even harder on kids. Deployment is a whole other issue.

Diane T. Creston, "Spokesperson for Militaryhomelink.com and noted child development authority states, "Very young toddlers and babies don't understand; and, although one can explain the circumstances of deployment to a four or five year old, separation is difficult at best. A loving touch from mom, or dad becomes only a memory. The hugs, games and the special relationship is gone because one of the most important people in the world has "disappeared"...this can be heartbreaking for a child.

"Family pets may even show signs of separation anxiety with displays of poor appetite, depression, waiting by the door and frantically searching for the loved one. If you do have pets, encourage the children to pay special attention to these family members. Explain to them that the pets miss mom and/or dad too and teach your children how to be caregivers to your family pets."

Self expression is very important so encourage children to write letters and create special artwork that cant be sent to mom, or dad. There are a number of wonderful postcard, or greeting card software programs available. In fact, you can even create a Welcome Home flyer for mom, or dad. Creston states, "These programs are filled with preset templates and a wide variety of clip art and photography. I encourage you to explore these programs, and if the children are old enough, teach them how to use their creativity on the computer."

Prior to deployment, make plans with mom or dad to record books, prayers, or poetry readings so that they can be played at bedtime. If your spouse is musically inclined, encourage them to record their favorite songs.

Giving kids a special wallet size photo of mom or dad is very helpful. There are a number of free photo sites where you can upload photos and, if the kids are old enough, teach them how to use these programs. The market is filled with easy-to-use software programs that allow you to crop, brighten or enhance photographic images. It's not only a great family activity, but it helps children develop valuable skillsets.

Communication is key, so make it a priority to regularly send letters, cards, video and audio tapes.

Media coverage of the war, or war documentaries should be avoided if at all possible. This information only serves to feed separation anxiety and instill fear. If children are upset, encourage them to talk about their concerns, fears, anger and sadness. Tell the children that they are loved and reinforce the fact that mom or dad miss them too.

If your children are young enough to still play with stuffed toys, you may notice an even closer relationship with these toys. It's not unusual for kids to confide in the teddy, or bunny rabbit. In fact, kids do this on a regular basis if they are lonely, anxious about going to a new place, or apprehensive about being away from home. These soft and cuddly toys are comforting, not only for kids, but often for adults as well.

I recall a young woman in my office who returned from the funeral of her only parent. Twice she said, "Now, I'm an orphan." For weeks after she returned to the office, she quietly worked at her computer with a little stuffed brown teddy in her lap. Prior to the loss of her father, the teddy was simply a cute office decoration. So, if your child turns to a "stuffy" as they are sometimes called, be grateful that the toy can bring comfort to your little one.

If weather permits, set outdoor play dates. Take your children to the zoo, to the park, or to the beach. Fly a kite...play ball, or play a game of tag and take the camera.

It's also important that teachers are informed about a parent's deployment so that they can pay special attention to your child and so that they can also alert you to any behavioral changes.

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