Christian Coaching - Biblical Conflict Resolution

What the Bible has to say about resolving problems Scripture approach to loving your neighbor

Conflict happens. It starts with the difficulty of pulling the covers off and stepping out of bed. So far so good. You bath, shave, get to work, then something happens. (You knew it would, right?)

Challenges can come from every direction. A missed appointment causes a client to miss a deadline. A salesperson (maybe even you!) promises more than your business could deliver. A prospect finds a defect in one of your widgets that needs repairing right away.

We all know that missed deadlines are going to occur in life. Setbacks that strain relations between you and your spouse. Setbacks that can cause resentment and mistrust to accumulate. Will this mean the end of a once strong relationship?

Not necessarily, when fractures rise between you and a prospect, it may be time for a real conversation. It is time to become transparent and address the setback that is causing trouble. But how do you keep a ugly conversation from becoming a full-scale fight that permanently damages relations with your customer?

Here are 4 ideas to get you through the difficult conversations that can make or break your business. Conversation blockers or your hot buttons as they are called, are the emotional responses set off by the words or actions of others during tough conversations. You feel triggered during conflict when you believe the other person's comments or actions as threatening to your being in some way. Common blockers include real or perceived confrontations to your character, virtue, privilege, and sense of belonging.

Your hot buttons can foul you up in difficulty because they cause you to misrepresent, close down, castigate, or go off on the wrong trail. They also launch a set of emotional reactions that may contribute to escalation.

When you are set off, your brain may experience what is called a neural hijacking. The brain perceives a threat, trumpets an alluvion and moves into action. This taking over occurs so quickly that the conscious, thinking portion of the brain does not yet fully comprehend what is happening.

So, you are off and running. While saying he sets me off suggests it is the other persons responsibility to stop doing it, only you can deal with your own triggers. Everyone's trap is a little different, so what prompts me may not trigger you. This is why charging others for baiting you is not very productive. You waste energy expecting them to change what they are doing, when only you can change your own attitudes.

How do you avoid a trap instead of point fingers? Here are some effective approaches for acknowledging, noticing, and monitoring conflict prompts. Initiate with examining your self. Keeping your calm and in control during difficult circumstances is in a large part dependent upon the reflective work you do when you are not in difficult conversation.

Learn what triggers you and why you are triggered. Get back to the source. A coach is an excellent resource to walk you through the process. Denying your intentions is like building a house in sand. Educate yourself conflict options. Once you are aware of. You probably would not take Introduction to Astrophysics and then offer your services as an expert. By using your new skills often when the higher-stake situation develops, you will be better able to stay balanced and easily resolve the problem.

In the beginning of the foray, stop. Take note of your emotions, reactions and tone of voice. A hot face, sweating, yelling takes for your emotional flooding to subside.

Beware of venting as a default method. While it is a common position that venting makes people feel better and aids getting the emotional buzz out of the way, research suggests that if you use this approach repeatedly, the opposite effect occurs. While it may relieve in the moment, venting anger as your normal mode may make you more angry and push your body and brain into a heightened state of anxiety or rage.

Scriptures tells us in Proverbs 26:4,5 says, the fool must be answered but not in a foolish manner. Studies show that anger is a issue for every Christian. Sinful anger makes up roughly 90 percent of all counseling root questions . While it is not wrong to act in anger since the design of the emotion is to motivate. It is wrong if it is used improperly. It must be used to honor God. After all, anger is a powerful motivator that God built into his people for the purpose of moving him to Scriptural action. Rage and anger are two different emotions. Anger is appropriate in communication of feelings in reverberation to someones behavior. Jesus got angry. Mark tells us that Jesus rebuked the Pharisees in anger (3:5). John writes to us of Jesus driving out the moneychangers from the house of God (2:17). God, Himself is angry with the wicked everyday (Psalm 7:11).

To call anger as wrong without qualification legistrates a reckless and capricious use of the Bible. Our emotional mix is from God. All of our emotions when used according to scripture are blessed. Emotions become destructive when we fail to express them in accord with Biblical limitations and structures. Scripture also teaches us to be angry AND sin not! Righteous anger can become inproper anger in two ways. By the ventilation of anger and by the internalizing anger. That is by blowing up and clamming up. The God's way to handle anger is to direct it on the issue not toward the person. Deal with it as soon as possible, and restore the relationship. Putting the other before yourself.

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