Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

Copyright (c) 2011 Bette Alkazian

Being a Good Role Model

We are who we are not only because we were born this way, but also because of how we were raised by our parents. Our parents are also products of their parents…and so on.

Thinking about how we parent is a relatively new concept. We may be the first generation of parents that actually overly obsesses about how we parent our children. It is truly an unprecedented concept within many families. Until recently, there was not such a microscope put on parenting, and certainly not a library full of books on the do and do nots.

We must examine what parts of how we were parented were wonderful and what parts could use some improvement. No blaming necessary here! Just awareness and making choices.

Kids become what they see. You are constantly teaching by example, even when you are not aware of it. Take a look at yourself and your life. What do you think? Would you be proud if your child emulated you?

Taking a good look at ourselves can be a pretty uncomfortable exercise. You may be tempted to avoid the discomfort of what you see when you look in the mirror and examine your behavior.

I encourage you to push through any discomfort that may arise during this part. Do not give up. In fact, pushing through discomfort is one of the most important tools we can teach our kids!

Looking in the mirror requires that we take responsibility for our actions. Once we really take a good look at them, we can choose whether or not to continue those behaviors. That is the good news! Remember the Michael Jackson song, Man in the Mirror?

I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror

I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways

And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer

If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place

Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change

Michael Jackson

That is all you should ask of yourself as a parent. Look…recognize…change, if necessary.

The beauty of this exercise of self-reflection is that it makes us more aware. From there we can choose to make a change or not, but without that awareness, nothing can change. That awareness is sometimes painful, but the choices it brings with it are a gift.

Once we are fortunate enough to have kids, the choices we make no longer impact only ourselves. They impact our partners and our kids, too. MORE PRESSURE! Our kids pay the price for our unhealthy choices and the chaos that occurs as a result of those choices.

Making a choice to make a change is good for everyone. It always includes a teaching opportunity to instill healthy values and to model the courage it takes to make those improvements and changes.

Making mistakes in front of our kids is of vital importance. I remember at 22-years old realizing for the first time that my parents were human and actually had faults. They fell off of their pedestals! The realization was both frightening and liberating for me. It gave me permission to make mistakes and to be human - just like them, but it also took a period of grieving to accept them as flawed individuals.

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