Problems that come with Adoption

How do you explain it to the child?-

Everyone agrees that children need honest answers about their adoption situation. You may be required to help them understand why their biological parents gave them up for adoption. Try hard to preserve your childs sense of worth by explaining to them that their parents couldnt,take care of you as well as they knew you deserved, so they made the decision to put you in a family that would be able to give you the love and care you need.

If your child notices that you look nothing alike, for example, agree with the child and then let the child explain how that makes him/her feel. Kids need different information at different times in their life. Considering the child's feelings will help you understand whats really on the childs mind.

Discrimination and Bullying-

When children are seen as different, because of their family life, the color of their skin or the shape of their eyes, can be forced to deal with bullying. You are your childs first line of protection. Bullying needs to be dealt with straight away by intervening with teachers and other families. Children shouldnt have to suffer bullying. Help prevent bullying by actively letting your childs schoolmates understand how valuable the differences in your child.

Think about asking your childs teacher or the principal if you (or they) can teach about the different ways that families are formed. The best time to do this is in November because its National Adoption Month. Children will learn that adoption is just one way a family comes together, just like how two previously married people blend their families or going to live at Grandpas house.

If your child is African, Chinese, or any other ethnicity you can teach his/her classmates all about their culture.

Rebellion-

At some point, your child may experience anger about being given up for adoption, anger at you and your spouse for adopting him or her, anger at everybody because his life has special challenges that they dont face. Though every situation is different, adoptive parents generally try very hard to understand and respect that anger and, most of all, to not take it personally.

Experience the Joy-

You may have some special challenges but you also have the extraordinary joy of knowing that you chose to make a family with your child. Find other adoptive families and create friendships with them. You will realize that they are a little bit extra special because of the steeper path that they chose to climb to create their families and they cherish those families even more for the extra pains it took to come together.

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