Are You Making Use Of Other People?

I know the title of this article doesn't seem all too positive. But if we observe the world and ourselves, we will see that we do indeed make use of other people in one way or another. It is just that the negative aspects seem to have more attention that the good aspects!

In my own life, I've had my fair share of people who make use of me in a negative way -- call me when they are lonely, or go out with me if they want to free meal, and then never ever hear from them again when things are going well for them. Well, I am sure you have had your fair share of this too, and perhaps you felt used and you felt resentful towards these people who used you.

But the reality is, in this world we live in, we do need people and we do use people to further our needs. For eg. in the area of personal development, don't we use people to know ourselves better through our interaction with them? In the area of our marriages/relationships, we use our partners as mirrors and become better people ourselves? In the area of work/business/career, we use contacts to further our cause. We use people all the time, we don't admit it because we don't see it as 'using' until something negative happens.

I personally believe that in 'using' of people, there must always be a 2-way traffic. I scratch your back, you scratch mine. This way there is a win-win situation for both parties. In some relationships, however, especially with close friends or family, there's a tendency to be a bit more one way, either you giving more or the other using more. By the nature of the relationship, one is more unconditional in the giving. But ultimately, the 'user' must take personal responsibility by learning to give and use in a more balanced in order to retain a more sustainable relationship. One too many people have complained about close friends and family members being 'ungrateful' for everything they have done and yet not appreciated in return. You probably have experienced this yourself.

The interesting thing is the 'user' would often also say the 'giver' is ungrateful! Everything is relative and a matter of perspective as well in how much one is giving and how much one is using!

I often tell my clients, all you need to do is show appreciation in small or big ways if someone has done you a favour. If you keep that as your focus rather than how people are using you, then things will balance out.

Of course I am not saying it is good to be a door mat. Unfortunately, in this world we live in, there are people due to their level of consciousness who will use you and keep it a one way traffic and you never hear from them again once you have no use for them. These type of relationships can become toxic, so it may be best to stay away. There is no point in continuing on in the hope of getting something back, 'cut your losses' as they say and move on!

Think of what and who can help you to further your cause in your life's mission. Ask for help/favours, but be sure to return the favour in a positive way and enjoy the process. May you use others for your cause for the betterment of society in the greater good.

© 2011

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