Healing Sexual Issues Improves Self-Esteem & Relationships

Our sexuality is a healthy, normal, human part of us. Sexual problems can hurt your self-esteem and relationships. As a practicing Marriage, Family Therapist for 27 years, I have learned fascinating insights as to the causes of our sexual issues. The following are some case studies of clients who overcame their sexual blocks.

Randi, a twenty-two-year-old woman, came to me complaining that she never found her sexual experiences satisfying. She asked me, "Do women really enjoy sex?"

I replied, "Yes, Randi. Do you allow yourself to enjoy your sense of hearing, sight, smell, touch, and taste?" Randi answered, "Of course I do, but that's different."

I continued, "In my opinion, Randi, we wouldn't have sensual bodies if we weren't supposed to enjoy them. Our sexual parts, just like our eyes, ears, nose, skin, and tongue are normal parts of us that have specific functions, as well as offer us specific pleasures."

I went on to explain to Randi that sex is a normal, healthy part of an intimate relationship-another way to express love, and give and receive pleasure. Enjoying her sexuality is a natural state. She had probably made negative decisions about sex from childhood experiences that were still affecting her today.

As we proceeded to explore Randi's unconscious beliefs about sex through the HART process, Holistic And Rapid Transformation, we discovered that when she was ten years old, she had overheard her mother saying to a friend on the phone, "I just tolerate sex for my husband's sake." From that childhood experience, Randi had decided that women do not enjoy sex. That negative decision was affecting her adult life.

To release her block, I asked Randi to visualize an image of her mother standing in front of her and say, "Mom, I'm sorry that you didn't allow yourself to enjoy your sexuality. I imagine that you just passed on to me the negative messages that your mother impressed on you. The truth is that sex between two consenting adults can be a beautiful way to share their caring. I accept that you didn't know that, but I do. I'm going to allow myself to enjoy my sexuality."

Randi automatically took a deep breath and said that she felt relieved and more relaxed. We explored her other sexual blocks and discovered that she felt very guilty for masturbating since she was a small child. Randi felt wonderful when I reassured her that she did not do anything wrong, that masturbation was normal and healthy.

Other male and female clients had to release their guilt feelings that stemmed from their childhood experience of being caught and reprimanded for playing "Doctor."

Not all of the sexual blocks were caused by guilt. Bob, a forty-seven-year-old man, found out that he was expressing his resentment towards his girlfriend by not allowing himself to climax.

Brian, a thirty-four-year-old man, found himself devastated and impotent after his wife divorced him. Brian was terrified to get too close to another woman.

Pat, a twenty-five-year-old nurse, was told by her dad that men will only want her for her body. Pat was able to let go, and allow herself to enjoy her sexuality after she began to trust herself to attract men who appreciated all of her.

The most challenging sexual issues have been those of molestation and incest. The clients had many feelings to resolve before they could feel sexually free.

In summary, I have found that people were subconsciously blocking their sexuality because of negative experiences they had as children and as adults. Once they expressed their guilt, fear, and resentments, and resolved their issues, they were able to allow themselves to enjoy their normal, healthy sexuality.

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