Counseling - What's Happening in Modern Marriage

In times gone by men had their role and women had theirs. Marriage was a more simplistic endeavor than it is today. Although there were degrees of romance involved in becoming a couple, the key to the marriage union was based on survival. Marriage was a practical arrangement that helped two people with very defined roles, come together and survive the challenges of life. Things have changed dramatically. Today our expectations and roles aren't so clear.

Many of today's expectations of marriage are different than in the past. These different desires aren't necessarily bad or wrong. The purpose of it's existence is also not exactly the same as it once was. People look to marriage for wholeness and healing. Higher levels of intimacy are desired by many people. People getting married in previous generations would have put little hope in having these desires fulfilled.

In times past, marriage was primarily a social agreement that helped ensure survival. What people anticipated marriage to be, was poles apart from what they expect today. Marriage is no longer quite so simple as it once was.

Marriage today has some very big challenges.

Too many people are entering marriage no better prepared than their ancestors were 150 years ago. Success in marriage requires more knowledge in this day and age. It's filled with a level of complexity that didn't exist for previous generations.

150 years ago was the dawn of the industrial revolution. The degree of complexity was certainly increasing for most people. The complexity those people had to deal with when compared to the 21st century, is scant. Roles and responsibilities of a spouse are more complex now than ever before. A much higher skill level is required to build a good marriage.

Consider the following example: If you had no experience or training in a profession such as nursing, would you expect to get hired? If by some miracle you were given the position, would you be suprised if you bombed?

You may find these questions to be a little odd, a little far fetched. They do work to prove an important point though. We believe that training is required for disciplines like nursing but it's OK to try and fly by the seat of our pants in our marriage relationships.

Marriage relationships are jam packed with emotion, more than almost any other relationship. A highly charged relationship with a high degree of complexity requires more than just a hope and a prayer.

It's difficult to find couples who can model what a good marriage looks like. Want proof? Consider the following question for a moment.

Would you like to have a marriage relationship similar to what your parent's have? Less than 10% of people want a marriage similar to their parent's. That question is usually met with shock and disbelief by those who are asked it. It's not a joke. Our parents are the key teachers that we learn about marriage from. They are our primary role models for how to be a spouse. If we don't want a marriage like their's, then we need to purposefully choose differently. Choosing differently means learning new ways of relating to a spouse. More education about relationships is essential to becoming better at building a good marriage.

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