How To Building A Strong And Healthy Child

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So many books have been written about "how to" regarding children; so many philosophies, so many schools, so much advice…

What is the BEST way to treat a child or to raise a child is the question that was asked so often.

To be a better parent, teacher friend of a child one has to know and remember a few basic things:

A child is NOT a possession

A child is a person with a small body

The moment a baby opens his eyes he begins to observe, and experience by observation.

A CHILD IS NOT A POSSESSION: Therefore, treat a child as you would treat any adult. You do not spank an adult who doesn't understand you; you do not scold an adult who spilled wine over your expensive tablecloth, right? You'd probably tell him, "No problem…don't feel bad about it..."

If an adult doesn't want or can't do something you ask him to do, do you punish him? If a child does something that upsets you--ask yourself how YOU would have liked to be treated if you were in that situation. Would you want to be shouted at? Scolded? Blamed? Punished? Spanked? Or you would like to be understood and treated gently with compassion? Maybe you'd like to be shown how to handle things better so they don't happen again?

A CHILD IS A PERSON IN A SMALL BODY: Unlike old schools, a child is NOT a tabula rasa - a clean slate. A child comes to you already with certain qualities, character, likes and dislikes, intelligence--like any other grown-up you meet. The only difference is that his physical motor abilities are not developed yet--language skills and the use of his limbs.

As opposed to a grown up a young child is utterly dependent on you. He needs you to feed him, change his diapers, dress him, wash him and generally, help him to care for his body. And because he is so dependent on you, you have to be even MORE gentle, loving and considerate, as he is very fragile and sensitive and has no other place to go or any other choice where to be.

Because you are the only anchor that he has you have to continuously give him the reassurance that he is loved; that he will always be cared for; that you will never desert him or neglect him. If you want a mentally healthy child, give him all the love in the world. You CANNOT spoil a child with too much affection.

TEACHING A CHILD: To tell a child "Don't touch it," "Stop such and such," "Don't do such and such," usually will lead to bad control and no motion forward. Explain to a child the reasons behind your instructions. If he asks more questions to clarify, please answer him. If you don't know the answers, please, please, please, don't invent them to look smart. You will earn more respect if you admit that you don't know and that you will find the answers later. If you keep telling children not to do, not to be a certain way, they will end up doing it in spite, unless they see the reasons for it and the logic behind it. Thus, explain to a child the reasoning for your instructions and what could be the consequences.

If a child breaks or spills something, help HIM clean it or get rid of the broken pieces. This way he'll feel better, he'll feel he is taking some responsibility for the mess that he created and won't slump down to self-blame and regret and all those unhealthy emotions. You can even ask him to do something for you to make up the damage, something he CAN do until he is more cheered up. The most important message that you give the child by acting like this is: that things CAN be fixed. Can you see that when a child understands that anything can be fixed, you are creating a healthy, optimistic child with no anxiety.

Jimmy accidentally breaks a plate. You can say. "Oh, you broke a plate. Now, let's clean it together. Don't go lecturing about why and what happened. Look at the "NOW" see what you can do NOW. Have him, with a little help from you (if he needs it) get rid of the pieces and then you can give him a small broom to get rid of the small particles, and then hand him a wet rug or a sponge to fully clean it. When he is done, you will have a very happy Jimmy who is not afraid to break things and knows he can always make up the damage. The more punishment, the more you scold only makes your child want to experience less, because he is afraid to do things that he might get scolded for, and eventually will end up becoming an inactive child that will break things on purpose, that will sit idly before the TV doing nothing as he doesn't want to make a mistakes and doesn't want to be punished for being active.

Let the kids make their own mistakes, let them learn from them. Show them that if you are afraid to make mistakes you will never DO anything and when you don't DO you will never be happy. Life is about experiencing, it is about making mistakes and learning from them, it is about failing and falling and getting up even stronger and wiser.

I had a magical childhood, where most my wisdom came from my OWN experiences as a child. I was free to go anywhere without any adult supervision. I made my own judgments regarding my activities. I decided what would be dangerous and what not. My best lessons were learning from my mistakes. I believe the best way a child can grow is to have general boundaries and then have him/her make their own judgment within those. This way you have a self assured, confident individual who learns to trust himself and his decisions.

A CHILD OVSERVES AND EXPERIENCES BY OBSERVATION: Therefore be a good model of politeness and positive attitude. Help your child grow to be a strong and healthy individual.

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