Let's Take The Ugly Out of Divorce

Did You Know… Divorce does not have to be ugly? Yes, it does not have to be so bad. The pain couples experience in divorce may not be avoidable but the process doesn't have to be long-drawn-out.

Reality in Our Own Backyard One cannot read the news these days without noticing the increase in stories dealing with ugly divorce situations which result in domestic violence. Such was the recent and heartbreaking story of the Palm Beach Gardens Middle School Nurse who went missing at the end of October this past month. Early November, beloved mother of three and dedicated school nurse Kimberly Lindsey was found dead in a cane field in the town of Clewiston, which is next to Lake Okeechobee. As the story unraveled, it was determined she has been going through a contentious divorce for some time. A devastating end to this story as the EX husband, who was the major suspect early in the investigation, was found dead of an overdose at his residence.

This was such a sad and tragic situation with so many innocent victims. It illustrates to adults as well as children how extreme emotions, which occur through contentious ugly divorce, can get. It affects our feelings of vulnerability and our children's sense of security. Experts who worked closely with families going through divorce say that it is the "ugly divorce" that affects children the most.

A Personal Plea to All Reading This Article

Let's ask ourselves- What do the children learn as they watch their parents spend endless amounts of money, finding the toughest litigators to bring the other side to their knees, fighting about who pays for what and who can come to holiday functions? Or even a simple thing like where the children can spend the night? The kids get helplessly caught in the middle of everything.

Children can become the peacemaker or what therapists call "parentalized". They end up worrying about important things that they shouldn't have to like where will my other parent be on the holiday, who is paying for what, and whose house do I sleep at tomorrow? They have feelings of sadness, guilt and anger. Dealing with this big life change is hard enough. Parent should give them their "KIDOM" back!

It is very important to bring civility back into the household. Parents need to love their kids more than they dislike their ex. It is time to take the ugly out of divorce!

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