Going Through the Theory of Selflessness in Relationships


by Jonathan Goodman-Herrick

One more truth of relationship is that genuine success and satisfaction require two relatively paradoxical capacities: the chance to act from one’s individual power and the ability to be selfless in one’s management of one’s partner. To put it differently, we reach relationship nirvana when we totally and likewise honor both our own partner’s and our very own spirit.

The outstanding nature of couple hood is it performs well merely to the degree that we connect power and selflessness inside our own breast. Only once we fully step into our own energy, are genuine to ourselves, and reside in our own pride can we selflessly honor our beloved. And only when we selflessly recognize our beloved can we receive the full blessings of partnership. Only the twin vehicles of individual power joined with selflessness are capable of carrying us to long-lasting, mutual gratification with a partner.

Just about the most direct and ultimately least difficult route to comprehensive personal power and selflessness is a spiritual path. Once we turn ourselves over to that which is much bigger than ourselves and far larger than anything nameable, fear begins to dissolve, making it possible for our power to arise, and personal want begins to dissolve, enabling us to take care of our partner’s interests just as much as we look after our very own.

Position Yourself in the Hands of the World

Outside of being our own heart’s caregiver, if we're lucky enough to have religious faith, then we can depend on and place our own selves in the fists of God, of the Universe. As comprehensively as possible, we can give ourselves to God’s care, to the proper care of the Universe.

Within the entry to marriage, during the wedding ceremony, most couples contain recognition of the religious or spiritual dimension that marriage is in one method or another sacred. The idea here is to constantly remember that preliminary impulse.

Rather than looking to our significant other, who is fundamentally as limited as we are actually, to care for us, we can put ourselves in the palms of that which can be limitless, carefully abundant - and thoroughly reliable.

Ramana Maharshi, among the list of 20th Century’s excellent spiritual masters, described deep religious faith for being like a young cat that enables its mother hold it and carry it all around by its neck. The kitten puts itself totally in its mother’s care - and it's totally well-tended.

Giving ourselves over to the care of the Absolute frees us from looking to our partner, and even to our restricted self, to become our father or mother. We trust the Absolute to perform whatever it needs to do with us. Where ever our life should go we are tended to from the Ultimate, which really is an additional way to say that we simply turn our modest self over to our Great Self.

About the Author

Jonathan Goodman-Herrick works with teenagers, families, couples and individual adults in Marin County, California and sees a wide range of patients with personal issues ranging from couple relationship issues and anxiety to sexual abuse and substance abuse. Learn more about successful marriage therapy and relationships by visiting http://www.thoughts.com/marriagetheray4



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