Dating Advice: 'Lets just be friends'

The Community (in case you're new to this; the growing Community of Pickup Artists) has long held true to the belief that falling into the 'friend zone' is a bad thing. In fact it is a dreaded thing often muttered in a 1950's horror movie mummy voice. Not the "frieeend zooonne." I'm about to radically redefine your perception of what the friend zone is. It isn't something you should fear, it's something you should embrace. The friend zone is your friend...Bear with me...

A while back I met a very hot redhead named Amy at a club. We really seemed to hit it off and I got what I considered to be a solid number close. Our first date was set. We ended up meeting for drinks a couple of days later at a local bar when I noticed something strange happening; despite my best efforts there was a noticeable lack of chemistry between us. The fact is, no matter how good you get you are not going to vibe perfectly with every single woman you meet. So what now? This is where a little solid calibration comes in handy. I think what some guys would do (and rightfully so btw) is to 'plow' through and keep trying to build the attraction and escalate with her until either a) you succeed and she starts to comply or b) you fail and she rejects you. Sound familiar? So there we are sitting together in a plush leathery coach and I knew I was at that very crossroads. I really did want to take her home but I was aware if I continued to escalate that the chances of her blowing me off were very substantial. So I impulsively made the decision to try something new. I unleashed what I now call the 'Preemptive Friendzone' attack. Before she had a chance to reject me outright I very warmly and sincerely friendzoned her first. The warmth and caring with which I did it was the key. The objective wasn't to make her feel bad simply to feel like I rejected her first. My goal was to actually become friends with her. Let us briefly examine some of the more obvious benefits of having a hot female friend:

A: They will become an invaluable feedback resource for you. No one is going to give better information about the finer sex and how to attract them than a lady herself!

B: She becomes your Wing. You can and should assign them the job of hooking you up with other hot girls. Sorry guys, but I'll take one of my lady friends any day of the week over the best PUA wingman.

C: There is a good probability that she will start lusting after you. This is actually very likely to happen at some point. I believe the reason for this is that once we are 'just friends' with them we release a lot of the pressure on ourselves. We no longer feel that urgency to attract them or make them comfortable or do whatever it was that you were doing that wasn't working in the first place. I don't like clichés much but it actually becomes easier to just be yourself.

Now if there is one thing that a hot girl is not used to it's the guy telling her first that he just wants to be friends. That's definitely going to throw her for a loop and its all to your benefit. The trick is to really mean it. You should not use this technique and be thinking 'gonna get her in bed later, gonna get her in bed later.' Women are not stupid and she will most certainly detect if you have an ulterior motive. Just release her (at least for the time being;) as one of your targets and focus on all of the other hot girls you're going to meet because of her.

So I said to her, "First of all, I think you're very chill. And you're definitely very attractive too, I just feel like were really meant to be good buddies or something." Pay close attention to her reaction, it will almost always be poorly masked shock. And from here you will find that the transition to a new and mutually beneficial friendship is relatively simple. Providing you have some basic social skills she will most likely hang out with you again simply because you friend zoned her first and by doing so tipped the status seesaw more in your favor. Just make sure that you are not deceiving yourself here. Are you really acting like you would with a friend when you are around her or are you still in 'datemode?'

Here are a few telltale signs that indicate for me that I am really amongst friends: I burp a lot. I have lots of playful touching going on. I have no problem saying pretty offensive things. I am free to share my personal thoughts and feelings, etc... So just to sum things up: the friend zone should not ever be your goal initially. It is a last resort when facing fairly imminent failure in a courtship. That being said, you will find that cultivating hot female friends will have incredible benefits to your social life and love life as well.

Have fun,

Julian Foxx

PS: To this day Amy is still a good friend of mine somehow, even after I dated her sister;)

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