HOW LONG DOES MY LOVED ONE HAVE?

THIS IS A QUESTION THAT IS ASKED OF HOSPICE FAMILIES AND FRIENDS SEVERAL TIMES IN A DAY. IT IS A DIFFICULT ONE AND ONE WORTH PONDERING DUE TO THE FACT THAT AS HUMANS WE OFTEN WANT ANSWERS TO DIFFICULT SITUATIONS. IT IS AS THOUGH WE WANT TO HAVE SOME FORM OF INTELLECTUAL AND EMOTIONAL CONTROL OVER A DYING LOVED ONES' PROCESS. JUST KNOWING WHAT TO EXPECT OR HAVE AN IDEA ABOUT WHAT IS HAPPENING AROUND US GIVES US A SENSE OF KNOWING THAT SUCH UNBEARABLE PAIN DOES HAVE AN END TO IT. AS A CHAPLAIN, IT IS MY RESPONSIBILITY TO HELP PEOPLE THROUGH SUCH QUESTIONS AS THIS ONE. OUR TASK IS TO PROVIDE COMFORT, CARE, AND PRAYER TO THOSE SITTING VIGIL ON BEHALF OF THEIR DYING LOVED ONES' SUFFERING. THE NATURE OF SITTING WITH SOMEONE AS HE/SHE IS DYING CREATES AN ETERNAL RELATIONSHIP MANY OF US DO NOT WANT TO ENTER IN BECAUSE IT REQUIRES US TO SURRENDER SO MUCH OF OUR PERCEIVED WAYS OF COMMUNICATING IN RELATIONSHIPS. MUCH OF THE PRACTICE OF PRESENCE IN THE CARE OF THE DYING DEMANDS A CAREGIVER TO LISTEN FOR WORDS WITHIN THE WORDS. * HOW LONG DOES MY LOVED ONE HAVE...MAY BE AN INVITATION FOR A PROFESSIONAL STAFF PERSON TO CARE FOR THE ONE ASKING THE QUESTION? IT MAY BE A PERSON ASKING FOR HELP IN HOW TO RELATE TO SOMEONE WHO CAN NO LONGER TALK. THIS BRIDGE BUILDING OF PERSONAL RELATING TO RELATING ON THE LEVEL OF SOUL IS A SHIFT IN AWARENESS A DYING PERSON DEMANDS OF THOSE WHO LOVE THEM AND THOSE HE/SHE HAS LOVED. * HOW LONG DOES MY LOVED ONE HAVE...CAN BE A DYING PATIENT'S SPIRIT DRAWING THOSE LEFT BEHIND TO HIS OR HER SOUL? SUCH A PATH IS ONE NOT OFTEN COMMUNICATED WITH WORDS AS MUCH AS COMMUNICATED WITH WHAT IS BEYOND HUMAN UNDERSTANDING. IN THESE TIMES, WE DO NOT TOUCH PLACES IN THE HEART WHERE MUCH GRIEF RESIDES. INSTEAD, WE END UP EMBRACING SOME OF THE MORE SUBTLE PLACES WITHIN ONE ANOTHER LOSS CANNOT TOUCH. * HOW LONG DOES MY LOVED ONE HAVE...COULD POSSIBLY BE A PLACE OF AWARENESS ONLY OUR CREATOR CAN BE IN CONTROL OF IN THE DYING PROCESS. HERE, THE PATIENT AND THOSE WHO GO ON LIVING IN PHYSICAL BODY ARE TAKEN TO A SPACIAL QUALITY OF EXISTENCE WITHIN OURSELVES ALLOWING CONNECTIONS BETWEEN OUR DECEASED LOVED ONES TO FIND A PLACE WITHIN OUR HEART FELT GRIEF AND INSPIRE US WITH HOPE. THIS HOPE IS A MEASURE OF GRACE THAT IS INFINITE AND CARRIES US THROUGH OUR GRIEF. SUCH HOPE COMES THROUGH US AND NOT FROM US. IT IS OUR CAPACITY TO FIND MEANING THROUGH FAITH IN LIFE THAT IS MUCH LARGER THAN WHAT WE CAN EXPERIENCE WITH THE FIVE SENSES ALONE. IT IS OUR PATH THROUGH THE HEART, AND INTO, OUR SOUL.THIS MOVEMENT FROM EXTERNAL AWARENESS TO INTERNAL AWARENESS IS WHERE OUR FAITH IN THE UNSEEN BEGINS TO FORMULATE THE AWARENESS OF INFINITE TIME AND SPACE IN THE ETERNAL REALM OF KNOWING. SUCH CONNECTIONS ARE SUPPORTED THROUGH OUR FAITH IN PRAYER TO CONNECT TO OUR CREATOR IN WAYS, AND ON BEHALF, OF OUR LOVED ONE WHO IS DYING. THIS PATH INTO THE HEART AND SOUL OF EXISTENCE ITSELF IS OUR ATTEMPT AT KNOWING OUR LOVED ONE IS IN THE HANDS OF OUR CREATOR. IN SO DOING, OUR DYING LOVED ONE CREATES A PATH WHEREBY EACH OF US COME TO KNOW OURSELVES AS WE ARE TRULY KNOWN - AS CHILDREN OF GOD.Samuel Oliver, author of, "What the Dying Teach Us: Lessons on Living" For more on this author; http://www.soulandspirit.org

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