How To Get Over A Girl By Not Being "Friends"

Staying friends after a break-up sounds like a good idea. In fact, lots of guys want to know how to get over a girl and still stay friends afterwards. More often than not it's the girl who's asking for "friends" status - for any number of reasons:

1. She likes you platonically but not romantically.

2. She's unsure about whether to break up and needs you around "just in case"

3. She wants you around because you're useful to have about when something goes wrong.

4. She wants to break it to you gradually and believes she's being kinder doing it this way.

This isn't the definitive list, but it gives you a few possibilities.

It's useful to get clear on the terms implied here - there's "friends" and "friendly". The answer here is both yes and no - I think it's perfectly reasonable and possible to be "friendly" with someone after a break-up, but being "friends", hanging out together and carrying on as you did before but without the sex, probably isn't going to work.

It seems to be the case that women value, define and handle friendships in a different way to men. How many times have guys misinterpreted a friendship signal or ritual for something more romantic or sexual? It's not necessary to go into the whole psychology of friendship amongst the sexes, but it is important to understand that the definition is generally different between genders.

If you genuinely want to know how to get over a girl, then the best status to aim for is "friendly", and it's a male definition. The working definition of "friendly" after a break-up means:

Yes to: smiling and being pleasant, getting on with your life, being polite and courteous upon contact.

No to: bitterness and hard feelings, malicious rumours or gossip and sabotage or stalking.

Most importantly it also means not hanging out together any more or waiting at the end of the phone to take a call when something's gone wrong and she needs rescuing. This sounds a little harsh, and of course if there was a dangerous situation or an emergency you'd get involved... but I'm talking about when her hamster dies, her friends say something mean that upsets her or when she needs a ride somewhere. Those sort of favours and services were fine when you were a couple, but are unreasonable to expect after the relationship is over. It's easy to get drawn into the trap of constantly being "there for her".

Some people want their ex around after a break-up out of familiarity or habit. Some need them around as a reserve if it doesn't go well with their new partner. Sometimes they're just too handy to lose because they're great problem solvers but lousy lovers or boyfriends. Whatever the reason, it's time to get a little selfish and put your own feelings first.

If you want to know how to get over a girl quickly, easily and painlessly, lay down some new ground rules - firmly and politely. You need to tell her that you've agreed to go your separate ways and in order to get on with your life, the reliance that has built up between you has to be severed.

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