Is positivity always a good thing?

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There is much literature on the need to be optimistic. The idea is that if you see things through an optimistic lens, not only are things more likely to turn out well, but you will feel better emotionally. The 'glass half full' mentality does serve people well. By way of contrast, it is fairly obvious that viewing life through a negative lens can lead to depression, and can certainly reinforce one. The idea behind cognitive behavioural therapy is that altering the way you think can enhance your life markedly.

So optimistic thinking is good then. But is it always good? Should we always be unconditionally positive? In this article, I suggest that always seeing things through a positive lens is not good for you. Remaining unconditionally positive carries an impact on your health, relationships and life. Let's explore this in more detail.

1. Your health

There are several surveys that have been done into the relationship between your attitude to life, and your health. Generally speaking, people were placed into categories, defined with reference to how they saw life and the events and challenges encountered during it. The results are rather interesting.

We would probably expect negative people to suffer the worst health issues, and this is definitely the case. Of course, they might argue that they might not be as negative if they were more healthy! But in general, negative people are more unhealthy than more upbeat types.

So far so good then. But here's the sting.....Another category who seem to suffer from below average health are people who always see and talk about life in positive terms. What's that all about? Here's my take then. The people in the always positive category would be what I refer to as 'false positives'. They are so because they have a deep held belief in not saying bad things – about themselves, others or anything. They don't permit themselves the luxury of a bad day, avoid confronting issues, and let their feelings into the open. What doesn't come out gets buried, buried deep in our bodies – over time, this suppression creates 'health time bombs' that if left for long enough, explode in our bodies.

I write from personal experience, having had a couple of life scares myself. Getting frustrations off our chest is a good thing to do for our health. From my personal experience, I've seen too many 'good' people die early – of cancer and similar. So bottling things up and not recognising a bad situation does not serve us well. Being unconditionally and deeply negative doesn't help either. So what does?

The healthiest category is what I'd describe as the realistically positive, people who generally see life via a positive lens. But when things aren't progressing well, they let it go, and let others know. Hopefully they do so without alienating others, but that's another issue! In other words, they emphasise the positive, but don't ignore the negative.

2. Your relationships

False positives are generally not great people to be with. Not only can they land as inauthentic or false, but they can raise the stress levels of people they deal with. Here's an example to highlight why.

I used to have a manager who was unconditionally upbeat, and he was generally a nice guy. But he walked away from difficult issues as a religion. One day, he strolled into our office just as two professional employees were calming down from a confrontation that had got personal. I had become involved, and to say there was an atmosphere would be a massive understatement! Anyway, at this time, the aforementioned manager walked in, surveyed the scene, smiled and let out the immortal words - "isn't it fantastic to see so much potential in this team!". So much for a positive outlook helping the position. Most of us could have happily throttled him, and his intervention resulted in the tension levels increasing further, but being suppressed. False positivity raises the stress in other people sometimes.

3. Your life

Being 'falsely positive' is bad for your life. Why do I say this? Let's open with something Steve Nobel said a few years ago - "We can grow through inspiration, or from desperation". This quote has stayed with me over the years. However, looking at why people change things highlights that, for most people, the desperation element has a stronger driving force in change. That's why change most often takes place in response to adversity - be it a change of career, ending of a relationship, or a company taking emergency measures to survive. Vision and inspiration on their own are not enough. Even visionary people, like Nelson Mandela say, started from a position of desperation.

Ask yourself a question, what prompted your last significant life change? Most people will reply in a way that includes an element of crisis, or even worse.

Given this fact, I hardly need to say that viewing everything in 'good' terms is a surefire way of never implementing the changes you need to implement. Instead of verbalising the pain and frustration, you internalise it, and pay the health penalty later on. To a degree then, we should call a spade a spade. If something in our life is 'not working', we should call it that way.

Being 'generally positive'

In conclusion, being consistently downbeat and negative is not a good idea. But the 'false positive' is not much better - either for the person concerned or for anyone else. The most effective approach is the 'generally positive' approach to life. View the glass as half full most of the time, and yes, look for the upside in setbacks - learning is important, and you will feel better as a result. But don't classify everything as 'wonderful' or 'good' when it's not. Life is a battle sometimes - the questions are 'where is it a struggle' and 'what do you do when it's like that'. The healthy and authentic approach is to acknowledge when things aren't good, but not to over-emphasise it, or dwell on it. Deal with the issue, move on, learn the lessons, and focus on the future through a more optimistic lens.

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