It Takes Time to Change

I hear a lot about self improvement these days, the kind of change that heals emotional wounds or makes one's life a little better, a little more enjoyable or productive. It's easy to talk about these things, much harder to do them. I think the only one who can help you is you, just the same as the only one who can help me is me. I'm writing about the actual work of change, what is sometimes called transformation. We might get ideas from others and that can be good. Especially if we know that person has lived the change they're preaching. We might even agree to work with some mentor as we undertake to reconstruct our thinking, restructure our emotions. But if anything is to come of it, the heavy lifting must be done by the one seeking change. Sorry, but there ain't no magic pills, despite what some people are selling.

Just as there are no magic pills, there are no shortcuts, no elaborate incantations or secret ceremonies that will cause a sudden shift in behavior. Sudden insights, or epiphany do not cause immediate shifts in behavior, either. They only open a door in the mind that if-and that's a big "if"-passed through might create in us, in time, the motivation to think and act better. I can spend a lifetime cultivating the image of a tough guy, of one to be feared. Then one night a Spirit shows up, a bona-fide Being of Light, something I could never conjure on my own, something beyond my imagination, yet there it is, standing next to my bed in pitch dark, an exquisite light unlike anything seen in nature or elsewhere. Yet, it does not light up the room the way a lamp would. And it stands, quietly. Motionless. And the message is all about love and compassion. I get up the next morning and my head's a mess from last night's visit, I'm late for work and I get animated crazy when someone cuts me off in traffic. Just like yesterday.

It takes time to change.

Why is that? We didn't get where we are over night; it happened over time, it happened while we weren't looking, it happened before we knew any better. And we don't fully understand how it has impacted us. Yet.

We've all gotten new information, we've all had revelations, whether a Light Being in the middle of the night or a traffic cop in the middle of crush hour, yet we keep acting the same old way. Even when it no longer serves us. It takes time to incubate behaviors. When we finally notice them they're already well-entrenched in our psychology and physiology. Drug or alcohol addiction are perfect examples of this. By the time we start to wonder if maybe we have a problem, it's already too late. Behaviors are like that. Is it reasonable, then, to think that once we decide to make profound change it should happen immediately? Especially when powerful physiological adaptations have been so long in place, such as rewired synapses in the brain, altered blood and endocrine chemistries, life-styles including choice of friends, diet, and place, all of which shape or reflect self-image.

There is also the credibility question. We've become so used to life treating us the way we expect it to, a sudden and dramatic change in that, even when a good one, is hard to accept. The more sudden and dramatic, the more difficult it can be. However, if we're transformed at a more measured pace, one not as disruptive, we have time to integrate it. We can accept transformation incrementally because gradual doesn't trigger our resistance to it.

I've observed that dysfunctional people can transform faster when they're dealing with big, ugly issues than functional people can when dealing with subtle issues, like cultural or philosophical ideas. If I'm a rage-aholic, that's easy to spot. But, if I decide to live my life according to my Native American ancestry, moving away from mainstream-think can be a real challenge. When I add impatience to that, for whatever reason, I can find myself in a confused psychological wilderness with no compass. I'm trying to change my thinking with the same thinking I've always thought. Not happening.

We need to seriously consider contrasting, even opposing points of view. We need to consider what some call radical ideas, whether they're about personal development, the environment, economy, or allowing humankind to self-destruct. Maybe our time on the planet is coming to an end, what's the best way to see it through?

I suppose the point of all this is to remind you to be easy on yourself when you take off down that long, winding Transformation Road. Change is a part of life, not alien to it, not a "time out" kind of thing. Call on turtle medicine for patience, a quality you'll need too be persistent. You can learn to enjoy making changes in your life as you master the Art of Transformation and start to see the benefits of your efforts. Learn from others. Many others and not all in agreement with each other, either.

Ghandi said be the change you would have in the world. Good advice, if done wisely.

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