Things To Consider When Ending A Bad Relationship

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At some time or other, many of us have found ourselves a difficult or unwise relationship. Habit, and perhaps fear, may have persuaded us that we had no other choice, that we needed to stay and 'make the best of a bad job'.

When we are deeply involved, our emotions stretched to the limit, it can be enormously difficult to take that little step back and clearly see when enough is enough. It's so very easy to keep holding onto the false hope that maybe things will miraculously improve; that our partner will take the steps necessary in order to change; that he or she might somehow bring about the transformation that would at last make everything all right.

Yes, of course miracles do happen. And people can alter - you've probably witnessed that already, as you watched your relationship deteriorate - but if you are stuck in a bad situation where hope of real change has already evaporated, then maybe it's time for you to finally grasp the nettle and move on. Don't you owe it to yourself to finally reclaim your life?.

Here are my tips for ending a bad relationship and getting back on the path to healthy living:

1. Recognize it's time to go

- Do you feel unhappy more than you feel happy with this person? Do you feel guilty or fearful about wanting to end things? Do you ever dread having to be with him/her? If you're nodding your head, then it may well be time to go. Making the decision to end it will be one of the most difficult parts of the process. Relationships rarely turn sour overnight. The negative things slowly build up over time. It can be difficult to see just how bad it really has become when you're right in the middle of it - but if things are really going to change for the better, then it's essential that you DO see.

2. Assess the situation

- Take a step back and assess your relationship. Most relationships have both there positive and their negative aspects. In concentrating exclusively on the bad things, you might run the risk of being surprised by your own emotions in the future, and sliding back into those old patterns. Instead, acknowledge some of the good things you had in the relationship, but don't focus on or over emphasis these aspects, either. Recognize that the bad things are outweighing the good and that they probably have been for quite some time now. You really do deserve so much better. Tough as it may be, isn't it time to finally move on?

3. Develop a plan of action

- How will you break up with your partner? Just how will you respond if they try to bully you or beg you to stay or return? What strategy will you call upon in those moments that habit calls and you find yourself missing your partner? Having a plan in place can help you to follow through with your decision. If you can anticipate some of the things that are likely to happen when you tell your partner, and how you can calmly and wisely respond, you will be less likely to go back on your decision.

4. Be "selfish"

- Now is the time to focus on your self. When you have been giving so much of 'you' to another person for so long, it can feel almost wrong to begin to focus on yourself again. It shouldn't feel this way. While being childishly selfish is not the most mature of qualities, there is another kind of selfishness - a healthy 'self interest' - that is not only a wonderful, grown-up quality, but the precursor of earned self-respect and robust self-esteem. Isn't it time, now, to take care of your own needs?

5. Now what?

- You have been putting a lot of energy into this relationship and you've probably been doing it for quite some time. Now it's over you might well find yourself with a space to fill. It's important to think about how you're going to fill this possible void. What activities and hobbies have you been neglecting since you've been in that old relationship? What remains for you to newly discover? Now's the time to again take up those favourite activities, the ones you used to enjoy, and to try out some brand new ones, too.

6. Create a support network

- No matter how difficult your relationship has been, there were things your relied on your partner for. He/she was likely the person you turned to when you had a bad day, or perhaps they were the only person in the picture, no matter what kind of day you had. Make sure you have the support of trustworthy friends and family who will listen to you and help you when you're feeling down. If there is no one you feel you can safely turn to at the moment, then perhaps you could talk to your doctor and ask them to refer you to a counselor or an organization that might be of help. Reach out and make contact. There really is a whole, big world out there, and it really isn't so very scary.

7. Stick to your guns

- Once you have made the decision to end it, there may be moments when you're tempted to change your mind and go back on it. You are the only one that knows what is best for you. Don't let your partner make you feel guilty for leaving, and let no one bully you one way or the other. Only you know what you need. This really is your life. Isn't now the time for you to live it?

'You lose what you cling to.' Guatama Buddha

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